My Day 3

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Donna C replied on Tue, Jul 15 2014 7:03 PM

Mamagshouse Donna Gilliam:

Oh my thats a great and valid reason for not being on here.  He is a such a cuttie.  My DGS is due next month.  My DD is flying me out there to help.  So I will be mia then also.

Donna G:  That's so exciting, an August grandson!  You're going to have the time of your life.  Is it your first?  I couldn't stop crying tears of joy the first time I saw mine.  I know you're going to really enjoy it all.

Linny: I'm so sorry to hear about Barb in the hospital.  I've been through being a caretaker with my mom, so I know a little about what you're going through.  Barb sounds like a resilient sort, though.   I'm glad to hear she's still trying to be creative.

Robin:  Wow!  You're really into a lot right now, and keeping it positive in the middle of what many others would not be so able to handle.  You should be proud of yourself.  I like the idea of the cave entrance, though.  That would be funny!  Let your mantra be "One more year!"

If any of you are on Facebook, look for me there and request being "friended":  I'm Donna Cardinale (Knox McAleer). I tend to check in there often.  I have a lot of family and friends that I keep up with through that means.  If you think I may not recognize your name, let me know you're requesting it.  I'm also on Google+ where I keep most of my photographs to share privately with my circles.  You'd need to request to be added to my friends circle, and of course I'd accept you.  :)

Donna C.

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Robin replied on Wed, Jul 16 2014 4:31 AM

Good morning everyone,

I hope you had a good nights rest and are ready for a beautiful day.

More of the same here except my mom is coming for a visit.  My sister in love is coming over to see her mom who is in the nursing home so mom is riding with her and going to stay with me while she visits her mom.  

I hope everyone has a productive day.

Robin

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Diane replied on Wed, Jul 16 2014 10:03 AM

Hello everyone

Donna C---pretty baby and nice projects.  My mother knitted a white blanket for my baby and I still have it after 28 years.  So sweet a time.

 

I just got over a cold and now I pulled my back out carrying my kitty to get her groomed.  I just ignored it until today when it really hurt.  Probably early intervention would have staved of off.  Oh well.  Heat and pain meds.  

Steph--Ange is so cute.  She has her face paws and end of tail not done.  Really darling.  And not mats!!!

 

Have a great day everyone.

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Donna C replied on Wed, Jul 16 2014 3:01 PM

Diane:

I just got over a cold and now I pulled my back out carrying my kitty to get her groomed.  I just ignored it until today when it really hurt.  Probably early intervention would have staved of off.  Oh well.  Heat and pain meds.  

Steph--Ange is so cute.  She has her face paws and end of tail not done.  Really darling.  And not mats!!!

Diane, so sorry about your back.  I know how that is for sure.  Your Ange sounds so cute, all shaved and groomed.  Got a picture?  I wanted to get Nabia shaved and groomed AND her teeth cleaned in March, but the vet required a blood test first, since they'd have to anesthetize her and because she's pretty old.  Since the test showed a kidney problem beginning they didn't do it.  She continuing to loose weight, but I'm still hoping she'll bounce back to health.  Plus, I'm really trying to keep her brushed now that she can't get shaved.  As thin as she is, that might have looked really bad anyway.

Also glad to hear you still have the baby blanket your mom made for you.  She probably had a lot of influence on you going into quilting like you do.  Right?

Robin, have a good visit with your mom.  Is your "sister in love" staying with you, too?  I like that term by the way.  

 

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Stephanie replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 2:14 AM

Donna C,

Cedric is so adorable. Hard to believe they grow so fast.  You have been one busy lady! Look at all the projects you've made since May! Love them all. Sock puppets are too cute! Thanks for sharing with us.

I have a link for you for Bonnie Hunter's Quiltville. As you scroll down on the right she offers a ton of free patterns for making scrap quilts. She has books out too.  http://quiltville.com/  . My favorite is Maverick stars. I'd love to do one of those wonky starred quilts one day. 

I'm sorry to hear Nabia's health is failing. It's so hard to lose our beloved animals. My cat Otis is 17 now, and I'm seeing the signs of age. It makes me tear up when I think of losing him. 

Look forward to seeing more pic's.....

 

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Stephanie replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 2:36 AM

Mamagshouse Donna Gilliam:
My DGS is due next month.  My DD is flying me out there to help.

I'm so excited for you. 

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Stephanie replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 2:40 AM

Diane,

 Sorry to hear you pulled your back out carrying Ange to get her groomed. Hope you get to feeling better. 

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Stephanie replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 2:42 AM

Robin:
More of the same here except my mom is coming for a visit.  My sister in love is coming over to see her mom who is in the nursing home so mom is riding with her and going to stay with me while she visits her mom.

Hope you have a great time with your mom and sil.

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Robin replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 5:09 AM

Good Morning Everyone,

I'm up and getting started.  

My day didn't go quite as I planned yesterday.  My mom didn't come for a visited.  Apparently she felt the night before last and manage to bust the back of her head open.   Of course she didn't tell me that she simply told me that she fell.  When I asked if she was hurt she said only her pride.  My SIL was the one who found out the truth and called to tell me.   Knowing my mom's ability to be stubborn I left it to my brother's family to handle.  I'll call her today and ask her how her pride is.   Mom's really struggling with the changes she is having to make since the stroke and is afraid of losing her independence.   Whereas I think she is definitely slowed down and not as able as she once was I think she is still able to function on her own with some limitations and she just has to wrap her head around what those limitation might be.   She is also upset that she now cries at the drop of a hat.  I've tried to explain that going through what she is gone through would change anyone's emotional status that it's not permanent to be depress but it is something she has to address.  She did seem to perk up a bit when I told her that I was going to come over next week and get her to come to my house and spend the night.    And I'm sure that yesterday my nieces who went over to take care of her cheered her up some.    If you any of you have some insight as to how I need to deal with my aging parent I would love it.   I am the only daughter.  But I'm an hour and half away.  My brother who is 15 minutes away is doing a terrific job and has her power of attorney and such, so I don't want to be up in his business.

On a productive note.   I got two of my curriculum maps emailed into the person in charge of the project and I started a third one.   I also finished cutting the sets for the block for the red and white quilt for the students to sell chances on.    If I can get them sewed today then one of the two blocks I need for an Irish Chain will be completed.

Diane,  Bless your heart.   I hope you'll rest that back some so it will be feeling better soon.

Jo,  What's on the sewing table? 

Have a great day

Robin

 

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Stephanie replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 6:11 AM

Robin,

 I'm so sorry to learn that your mother fell and hurt her head. I understand her being upset about not being able to control her emotions. Mike's stroke happened about two and a half years ago, and learning to deal with his emotional change was very difficult for him to deal with. He was embarrassed to burst into tears. He also went way overboard in wanting everyone to know he was in charge. Temper flares, and all sorts of changes as he struggled to come to terms with himself. Now, he has come to terms with the fact that even though he's better, there is a part of his brain that there's been some damage to. He willingly accepts that he can't control the emotional outbursts, and will even tell people that since his stroke, he's had trouble controlling his emotions. Things have improved ten fold over time, but it was a long road to get here. I can't tell you how many times he'd lose his temper, and I had to remind myself that he's had a stroke. I've learned the true meaning of patience, and the value in not upsetting him. Even when it cost me emotionally, bottling anger, and biting  my tongue. It took a lot of reassurance for the crying too. To convince him that it was ok. And beautiful really, to see that sensitive side of him. People understand, especially when you're open about it. He needed to know there's no reason to hide it like it's some kind of flaw in his character.  He suffered an injury to his brain. That's nothing to be ashamed of.  

I wish I could offer more advice from a daughter taking care of an aging parent. I never had to deal with that. All I can offer is my experience from a stroke point of view, and realize that everyone that has one is affected to different degrees. As are the people that love them.

Way to go on completing your curriculum maps and getting the quilt cut out!

Take care. Prayers being sent your way....       

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lilliepad replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 6:50 AM

Robin-I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. It's so hard to know what to do and how to deal with these issues as our parents age. I'm sorry I can not offer any advice about this as both of my parents were gone by the time I was 27.

Glad that your day was productive. Too bad that you have to deal with these school projects while you are on summer break.

Diane-Please take care of yourself. Straining your back is the worst.

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Linny t replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 11:12 AM

Donna, I was just wondering how you were doing the other day.  Cedrick is so cute!  Love all the little things you made for him.  Just adorable!  I have an old kitty, too.  I just hate the thought of life without him.  I hope yours doesn't have cancer.

Robin, your poor mom.  She does not want to let go of living her life the way she pleases, poor dear.  You should just be there for her as much as you can.  You're lucky you're not the POA because it's hard to have to do everything and still be an emotional support.  You can be that for her just like it sounds you are doing.  My sister Barb was my Mom's POA, so I would just call her daily and see her as often as you can.  The overnight thing is good.  Gentle assurance that they are loved...you're good at that.

Diane, hope your back gets better quickly.

I'm going to post again later for everyone I haven't posted to yet.  I got calls from the hospital that took up my lunch and now have to go back to work.  

Linny T

 

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Donna C replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 4:15 PM

Robin:
Mom's really struggling with the changes she is having to make since the stroke and is afraid of losing her independence.   Whereas I think she is definitely slowed down and not as able as she once was I think she is still able to function on her own with some limitations and she just has to wrap her head around what those limitation might be.   She is also upset that she now cries at the drop of a hat.  I've tried to explain that going through what she is gone through would change anyone's emotional status that it's not permanent to be depress but it is something she has to address.  She did seem to perk up a bit when I told her that I was going to come over next week and get her to come to my house and spend the night.    And I'm sure that yesterday my nieces who went over to take care of her cheered her up some.    If you any of you have some insight as to how I need to deal with my aging parent I would love it.   I am the only daughter.  But I'm an hour and half away.  My brother who is 15 minutes away is doing a terrific job and has her power of attorney and such, so I don't want to be up in his business.

It really does sound like you are already doing the right things, Robin.  My mom was extremely independent, and even more so after my dad died.  She loved traveling in her RV with a group called "Loners on Wheels," and she kept her acre of land mowed using a riding lawnmower.   Eventually, however, she got to where she couldn't do that as well, so she sold her house to my nephew and moved to an independent living home near my sister.  There she had an apartment but could eat at the cafeteria there at least once a day.  At first she was still driving, but when she could no longer drive because of glaucoma, she could go places in the van with others.  It was hard for her to accept her eyesight problems first, especially that she couldn't drive, but she eventually gave in at our insistence.  It was just too dangerous.  I was still living in Mexico City through most of this time, but my sister lived only 12 miles away from Mom.  I wrote to her weekly, and she wrote me.   My sister did a good job visiting, having her in her home, and taking her places.  When I came back to the US on year long furloughs I'd relieve her of some of that, and do the same sort of things with her. Then, while living there Mom had a stroke that effected her brain so much that she gradually got to the point that she rarely even knew who we were.  Since she could still walk, but was in danger of walking out and getting lost, she went to live in an Altheimer/dementia type facilty.  After her ability to walk diminished she transferred to a nursing home that she had previously approved of, before the stroke.  My sister, a retired teacher, did some great things with her like having her sing and say nursery rhymes and familiar hymns, and I took the cue from her, and continued to do the same when I came to visit.  It seemed to help keep her brain working.  It got harder and harder to take her home with us due to the wheel chair and her inability to help us move her, but she was happy to go out for ice cream.  I was so happy when she could actually tell me what flavor of ice cream she wanted!  I came back to the US for a month every summer to look in on her daily while my sister and her husband went to visit their daughter in Seattle for that time, and house sat for them.  When my divorce happened and I came back to live in the US, we moved my mom into a personal care home within a mile from where I live now.  There I could visit her and take her things that she needed.  However, her physical and mental capabilities had diminished drastically by then.  Within 2 years or so, when she was 92, she finally passed away, peacefully, seemingly with no pain, with no drugs, tubes, or wires.  Just like she would have wanted.  

So, I would say as you take on the caregiver role more and more, that you continue to make sure she knows you love her and are there for her.  Help her stay physically and mentally active as much as possible, but be honest with her at all times, especially when she's in danger of hurting herself or others, as in the case of not being able to see to drive.  As her capabilities diminish encourage her to adapt like getting her meds printed in large letters or color/number coded, no throw rugs where she could trip, take care of sharp corners on furniture and such, and some kind of alarm or system of someone calling her routinely in case she falls and can't get up.     

It was also good for our kids to see all this happening.  It was scary.  It was reality, and by seeing us take care of Mom, it gave them a good example of what they should do when we're in need of the same.  Hopefully they will be a good example for their own kids.  Good luck as you launch into this next stage!  

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Donna C replied on Thu, Jul 17 2014 4:20 PM

Stephanie:
I have a link for you for Bonnie Hunter's Quiltville. As you scroll down on the right she offers a ton of free patterns for making scrap quilts. She has books out too.  http://quiltville.com/  . My favorite is Maverick stars. I'd love to do one of those wonky starred quilts one day. 

Thank you, Stephanie, for this website.  I'm almost done with the jacket, so I'll be checking it out soon.

Donna C.

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Robin replied on Fri, Jul 18 2014 6:37 AM

Good Morning Everyone,

I'm up and packing headed off to a two day officer retreat with my FCCLA kids.   I'm so blessed to have one of the moms as the director of the local 4H camp and she is willing to provide shelter and training all for the cost of the food.  So this should be a great experience for the kids. 

Thank you all of the kind and supportive words about my mom.  I know that we are so blessed that she is in as good of shape as she is for being 74 for years old and having artery problems primarily from years of smoking.  And as many of you said this is a time to simply be supportive.  I'm so much better doing this with kids than older adults.  I think it's because by empathy increases when I can remember being in this stage of life, but that probably true for everyone.    

Linny,   I appreciate so much what you said about being a POA.   I was one for my uncle about 15 years old.  Some of things he wanted me to do were very difficult like not letting his only living brother and sister see him after he had past and been prepared for the funeral.   However, that was his wishes and I had promise to honor it.   I'm not sure my uncle ever got over being mad at me.   I do not envy by brother's position as he is the second son and the first already has a burr under his saddle because mama named number two POA instead for number one.  

Stephanie,  I love this website.   Can't wait to have more time to explore it.

Well, I better get up and finish preparing for the retreat.  Have a great Friday everyone.

Robin

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