Top 10 Posters

I need advice

Page 2 of 5 (61 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > | RSS

rated by 0 users
This post has 60 Replies | 20 Followers

Top 100 Contributor
Female
Posts 981
Points 24,590

zoetc49:

Mary,

I understand how you feel. In fact I was thinking of leaving this group because I have felt like I have not been accepted. My life experiences took me down a very different path than what I thought I would go. I have seen evil in my young days as a friend's Mom killed her daughter, my best friend. I try to do too much for others because I want to live for today and want to do all I can to help others, only later I feel taken. I have drop friends that I realized we did not have enough in common to keep the friendship going, or I allowed myself to be used. I turned away from a church when I saw the politics of it and not the good feelings I was lead to believe existed in church. I do know there are good places , I myself need to seek them . Right now I have been pulled toward a guy that has made me recall my happier days before I went through a ton of junk...this is why I made a quilt for him--to thank him. But back to you. There is a group called Meetup.com and your area might have one or you can start your own. But you can look on the site and put in things your interested in and see if others are in the same interest as you. I belong to one and really need to be doing more ( to get my mind off that guy everyone on here says I am chaising...I don't care) Anyways, please don't think your the wrong person for friends. Others have issues and are busy with their own stuff. I am so glad that I have a pal to hang out with right now. I understand how important that is. Please keep in touch, I might not be there, but I would love to have someone to talk with on here.        

 

Please don't leave this group. I've made very good friends here, especially on retreats. I just wish more were closer to me but I love meeting with them at least once a year.

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 100 Contributor
Female
Posts 711
Points 13,885

Zoetc49,   I accidentally deleted our "conversation" so I sent you a pm, I think.  Please let me know if I did it correctly!  Did you get it?

 

 

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 150 Contributor
Female
Posts 441
Points 7,110
Julienne replied on Wed, May 29 2013 9:51 AM

Melody, Well put. I think that all the advise was well given and that people can take what they want from it. Life is really what you make of it and how you go about living it. We all want acceptance. Really we all do. Sometimes we have to stop looking for it and just let it happen. Forcing ourselves on people does not make them want to be our friends, building those friendships does. Think positive and look for groups that make us happy. Like suggested if you think you click with someone on here, PM with them for a bit and then see where it goes or ask for there email. or Skype. Just keep trying.

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 6,399
Points 119,601
Patti replied on Thu, May 30 2013 9:54 AM

Been reading this and decided to add a few thoughts.  I have found that friendships need to be cultivated.  I have met some very nice people, and have many friends, but few have been in my "inner circle."  That area that surrounds the heart and is only shared with those who are like a part of me, we are so close.  I could have more friends like that, but it takes time, and sometimes risk. 

My very closest friend, became my friend over 20 years ago.  I had a toddler, worked, and the rest of my life was being a wife.  As close as my husband and I were, I really needed a woman friend.  So I called up someone I met at church, who had a boy the age of my daughter.  I had taken the day off, and asked if I could come see her.  She said yes!   I worked for CPS at the time and she presumed I was coming up on business.  She called her husband to tell him I was coming to the house, and she was worried.  (She had previously made a complaint about someone else and was afraid this was retaliation and I was going to take her little boy away.  I knew nothing about her complaint.)  So we are enjoying coffee, and I finally say that I am so glad to meet her, it was my day off and I just really needed a woman friend.  Her DH calls shortly after to see how things are going, and she reports "great!  It's her day off!"  I didn't learn of this until a few months later.  Over the years we have both had trials and our friendship has been a tremendous support. 

I am surrounded by so many wonderful people, whom I know could become part of my inner circle.  And now I finally have the time that I can do this.  That is happening already with a couple neighbors. And I will soon venture out to someone else.  A woman I have long admired, but I have been too shy to open up to.  Even if I did so, she is, or was so busy, how could she ever have time for me?  This is a friendship I am going to have to go out of my comfort zone a bit.  She has time now, and I know we could have been friends earlier, but we were both too busy.  She is going to need a friend, she has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and has taken an early retirement.  She will need someone she can feel comfortable with, even after she forgets my name.  But she has a good couple years left before then.  And we will have fun.  We both like looking for "pretty rocks." I think her husband and mine will become good friends as well.

Being a friend, is sometimes the best way to get a friend. 

Think of a bull's eye.  Circles within circles.  The inner circle is our core, our feelings.  the next circle out is our opinions, next come thoughts, likes and dislikes but not deeply held, so if someone disagrees with us, we are not hurt and my even change our way of thinking.  Making a friend is like sticking one's toe in the water to see if it is warm.  Some jump into relationships, but I like sticking my toe in first.  It is a very rare friendship that just happens.  And trying to develop a friendship can be risky.  Sometimes it doesn't work out, and there can be pain.  But it is well worth the risk, it's hard to be lonely.  I am pretty much an introvert, and I often prefer to be alone, but not lonely.  I need friendships as much as I need the air I breathe.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

  • | Post Points: 50
Top 50 Contributor
Female
Posts 2,221
Points 41,055
Donna B replied on Thu, May 30 2013 10:37 AM

Patti, beautifully said.  I feel much as you do.  I tend to be somewhat of a loner and really appreciate my "me" time, but also enjoy being with my friends.  But, there are only a very few that I count as my closest.  

And, I truly commend you for your desire to befriend a former co-worker who is facing Alzheimer's.  If this becomes a mutual friendship, she will really need you in the years to come. A day spent taking her out to lunch (trusting you to keep her safe and return her home) will mean the world to her.  God bless...

 Winthrop, WA

 

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 150 Contributor
Posts 621
Points 10,720
zoetc49 replied on Thu, May 30 2013 11:15 AM

Patti,

 

That made me cry !!

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 13,452
Points 176,408
Marie replied on Thu, May 30 2013 4:21 PM

Patti, with tears in my eyes I'm writing this post.  Your words are just beautiful!  God Bless you.  

(((((HUGS)))))

Millbury, MA

  • | Post Points: 5
Not Ranked
Female
Posts 10
Points 240
Kathy replied on Thu, May 30 2013 5:18 PM

Mary,

Boy, can I relate.  First of all, I am new here (just joined over the past weekend) so know anything about anyone yet.  But your post touched me, and in reading the responses, I am surprised how many out there feel they have no close friends.  I always thought it was just me!  I work full time in a very stressful job, live in a small rural town in west central Indiana, where we moved 6 years ago from NY state.  The only people I know are through work, and although I am friendly with them, I don't really consider them friends.  None of them share the same interests as me, and none of them quilt.  I actually decided to quilt because it's something I always found interesting, but there are no quilt clubs or places for lessons near me, so I am teaching myself. 

I think you sound like a wonderful person, and would love to be your friend, even if we can't go to lunch together.  I'm not really sure how far away we are from one another, but hey, you never know.  Maybe someday some of us 'loner' people could arrange a get-together.  One of my life dreams is to go to a quilt camp but I can't picture myself going alone.  Let's be friends!

Kathy - cairnmom

Kathy

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 3,545
Points 51,280
Ginny replied on Thu, May 30 2013 5:28 PM

I love the way you present yourself with the different levels of friendship.  It seems so easy, but if you are somewhat depressed, you can tell yourself what you want to do, but following thru on it is another thing.  This has been a very bad winter and spring for me until it started warming up, now I get pulled in all sorts of directions at the same time- it gets hard to make the right choices now.  I hope the warmer weather lasts and lasts and lasts.  LOL    Ginny 

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,587
Points 75,910
Karla replied on Sat, Jun 1 2013 3:00 PM

Kathy:
Maybe someday some of us 'loner' people could arrange a get-together.  One of my life dreams is to go to a quilt camp but I can't picture myself going alone.  Let's be friends!

Kathy, I felt that way, too.  How could I go to a quilt retreat when I didn't know anyone.  Well this past March I did just that by  joining those I have met on QCA and I had a ball and feel I have made many friends.  So, after you get to know us online and feel comfortable, give one of the QCA retreats a try.  I'll be going to my 2nd one in October in Oregon.  I'm in Nevada so that is fairly close, but the first one I went to was in Branson, Missouri, but it was well worth the trip.  My husband and I are both retired, so we drove and took in the sites and visited relatives along the way that we would never have done had I not took the plunge and signed up for the Branson Retreat.  

  • | Post Points: 0
Not Ranked
Female
Posts 2
Points 5
Deleana replied on Sat, Jun 1 2013 5:35 PM

Hello Mary,

If you have a library nearby you could check on their club and organization lists where people gather for friendship and socialization on a weekly or monthly basis:

1. A list of social clubs that you could join free of a fee in your area who have similar interests as you:  Such as a garden club, luncheon or movie matinee group

2. A town friendship guild, hiking club, or historical society.

3.  A senior citizen club exercise class, or regular cooking demonstrations at a local kitchen store.

4.  Home Depot also has home décor demos where you could meet people while learning

5.  An assisted living facility where you could visit someone who would like a companion visit to play board games; or have a lawn picnic.

6. A local choir where you could learn to sing or play music.

Good luck...there's a friend waiting for you out there somewhere!  You're obviously rich in quilting friends on here!

Deleana - Southern New Jersey

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 75 Contributor
Female
Posts 1,209
Points 16,230
Susan replied on Sat, Jun 1 2013 6:16 PM

Kathy:
One of my life dreams is to go to a

Kathy:
quilt camp but I can't picture myself going alone.
                      Kathy, once you get to know us here at QCA you may change your mind. I am a quiet person but enjoy people and company especially when there is a shared activity I went to my first Retreat in Tennessee last year with 25 strangers and so happy I did. It was a wonderful experience and soooo much fun. I also met Mary, there.         Susan

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Sat, Jun 1 2013 7:06 PM

Susan

We loved meeting you too.  You are a very sweet lady.

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 150 Contributor
Female
Posts 466
Points 7,440

Mary and all you wonderful ladies. I live in California and belong to an International Group of Women called Beta Sigma Phi. They have local chapters all over the world. I belong to a chapter with 10 members they range different ages. Three of us in the chapter share quilting and machine embroidery. We also have two members who are in their 90's and  want to participate and get involved. We have monthly chapter meetings at different homes. Also they have brunches every other month that we attend with many chapters that come from different areas to attend. If you would like here is a website that you can check out and if interested give them your name and they will get you in contact with someone close to your home. Than you can visit these different chapters and maybe join one. The website is www.betasigmaphi.org. This is not a college sorority it is International and We do many things philanthropic projects, (CF, KIDNEY RESEARCH, LOPUS, AND SCOLEDERMA. I have been a member now for 12 years and I love it. My chapter not only has meetings we also go on socials together and do many other things it is Life, Learning, and Friendship. You can meet many new friends this way check it out and let me know. what you think. They are always looking for new members to join. They also have many benefits available to members. They have legacies so you can get your granddaughters to become a legacy. I'm sure you can find a chapter with members close to your age. Chapters also have their own service projects that they work on together.

 

Pat B

  • | Post Points: 0
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 24,840
Points 366,242
Kris replied on Sat, Jun 1 2013 8:27 PM

Patti:
Been reading this and decided to add a few thoughts.

Good post Patti.

My biggest problem is that I don't reach out. Not comfortable with that at all. I have no close friends as you described in your post. I fear I never will.

  • | Post Points: 50
Page 2 of 5 (61 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > | RSS
Have a Question? | About Us | Privacy Policy | Join Today © 2014 F+W All rights reserved.
By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use