I found this on Facebook at the Olfa page with the caption, "We're teaching the dogs to rotary cut next." Too cute!
Southwest of San Antonio
Debbie
I saw this one on facebook somewhere. It is really cute.
Vinton, Virginia
Marie: I should've said high, tipsy, feeling no pain, hammered, etc. Drunk was a poor choice of word. Hammered might be as well. Sorry Kris.
I should've said high, tipsy, feeling no pain, hammered, etc. Drunk was a poor choice of word. Hammered might be as well. Sorry Kris.
LOL Marie.
Love the sex therapist joke too.
Debbie-do:I found this on Facebook at the Olfa page with the caption, "We're teaching the dogs to rotary cut next." Too cute!
Very cute.
Haven't been on this thread in quite a while so here's one for you all.
The Polish Golf Club ChampionshipMilo and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club.They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and aretied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep valleydescending down to a dogleg right.Both Milo and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down intothe valley. A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of thehill and announces that both balls are within 6 inches of each other, butthere's a problem. Both of the golf balls are Titleist # 4s.Milo and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informedeach other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number. Theyquickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titleist golfballs are right next to each at the bottom of the valley in the middle ofthe fairway.Stosh looks at Milo and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournamentofficial to straighten this out. This is the Polish Country ClubChampionships and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake andhitting the wrong ball. After all, we are tied for the lead."Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two # 4 Titleist golfballs. He then looks up at Milo and Stosh and says,"Which one of you is playing the orange ball?”
Griffin, GA
LOL Marge.
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize. As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over hisfireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because everyChristmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poorpantyhose hung sadly empty.One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and wentin search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things atWal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuseyourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?''You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to theinflatable doll section.I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute asa passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many differentmodels. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could dothings I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'LovableThelma.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Thelma a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Thelma came tolife.My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morninghours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhosewith Thelma's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank whatremained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for acouple of hours.The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his houseand left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark somemore. We all agreed that Thelma should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of thefamily could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmasdinner.My grandmother noticed Thelma the moment she walked in the door. 'What thehell is that?' she asked. My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.''Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.I kept my mouth shut.'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into thedining room.But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no onewanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hangon!'My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me andsaid, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay'sfriend.A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Thelma. Notjust talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this mightbe Grandpa's last Christmas at home.The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, whowas dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Thelma made a noise likemy father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel,flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The catscreamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran acrossthe room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouthresuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decidethe cause of Thelma's collapse. We discovered that Thelma had suffered froma hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her toperfect health..I can't wait until next Christmas.
Marge You should really warn people to use the potty and get some tissues before they read this. I can hardly breathe w/o laughing. Oh my goodness. I needed that good laugh. I've been packing up the kitchen for 2 hours.
Marge
That is too funny. The visual I go on that one wasn't to be believed.....ROFLOL
I hope no one was drinking anything when they read it. :o)
Marge (AKA Dimples): I hope no one was drinking anything when they read it. :o)
No thank goodness, but I could hardly read after the cat, I was laughing to hard.
for crying out loud marge, will you put warning labels up first, now i have to clean my keyboard.
gini in north idaho
I won't be able to top poor Thelma but here's my two cents for the evening.
good one ramona