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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

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Angele replied on Sat, Sep 15 2012 9:44 PM | Locked

Thanks Bonita and Barbara. I rarely visit this part of the site as I barely can keep up with the other parts, but I just couldn't resist sharing this one.

Angèle  from NWO

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MNnancy replied on Sat, Sep 15 2012 9:50 PM | Locked

Ramona, Marie, and Angele, thanks for the laughs!  Marie, I sent the "math" joke on to the pastor.  I'll let you know if he reads it in church. (he tells a lot of jokes during service, much to his wife's chagrine)


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Marie replied on Sun, Sep 16 2012 8:18 AM | Locked

MNnancy:
Ramona, I sent yours on to the pastor

Nancy, tell me you really didn't do that, please?  LOL

Millbury, MA

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Nana replied on Sun, Sep 16 2012 3:33 PM | Locked

Angele

Oh I love these.  Thanks for a good laugh.

Vinton, Virginia

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Vivian replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 8:55 AM | Locked

My husband went to Catholic school.  The rumors that they celebrated so much they had to order more communion wine when he left school are no doubt highly exaggerated

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 11:52 AM | Locked

There have been some REALLY good posts since I visited this thread last.  :o)

Here is my contribution......

 

 

 

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
 Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.' 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color
of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running
as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed,
'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped
on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.
She got up, brushed herself off, and started running
again!
As she ran she once again began to pray,
'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please
don't shove me either!' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,
they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on piece of paper,
he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect all the money!' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 
An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.' 
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own
mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~< I>

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem..
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~< I>

At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him
how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill,
and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little
Johnny responded,
'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have
a wife.' 
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Marge (AKA Dimples)

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 12:03 PM | Locked


A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." 

God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge...?"

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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Frances replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 12:20 PM | Locked

Marge,

You are a treasure, thank you so much for the laugh.

lots of love

Francesxx

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Marie replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 2:23 PM | Locked

Marge, way too funny!  roflol

Millbury, MA

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Ginny replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 3:03 PM | Locked

Really cute jokes, Marge.   Ginny

 

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Nana replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 5:55 PM | Locked

Marge

These are all great but I love the biker one.   Gave me a good laugh for the day.

Vinton, Virginia

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gini replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 7:45 PM | Locked

thank you marge, i can count on you for the laughs.

gini in north idaho

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Thea replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 8:43 PM | Locked

My g/f sent me this and I cracked up laughing and DH said it was funny - I don't know if it has already been posted but if so - enjoy again!

 

 

 Don't wash your hair in the shower

It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!

 

INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT

WARNING TO US ALL!!!

Shampoo Warning!

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!

I use shampoo in the shower!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and Printed very

clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,

"FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."

No wonder I have been gaining weight!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering

with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads,

"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved!

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Angele replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 8:56 PM | Locked

Oh Marge, you made me laugh!  It felt good.

Angèle  from NWO

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Clare replied on Mon, Sep 17 2012 9:03 PM | Locked

One of life lessons I just learnt, do not & I repeat do not read this thread only one week after abdominal surgery! I have been laughing so much that I was holding my stomach and thanks to everyone have had a great laugh but am now sore.

Clare xx

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