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Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Spudgrandma — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 19:46:18 GMT

Bev :
I remember with my Parents I always tried to make what I wanted them to do seem like it was there idea

That is how I handled it also. I was very careful to never treat them like children and always remembered they were my parents and needed me to be there for them but not to tell them what to do. I would make suggestions and almost always they were perfectly willing to go along with our suggestions. It is a very difficult time in life and a very thin line we have to walk.

Bev :
Whatever your decision is be at peace with it.

I agree!

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Ninette — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:18:37 GMT

Que lo siento, pero en estos lugares ella va tener personas que la cuiden y otras para conversar, espero que Dios la ilumine para que este sea adecuado. Ninette

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Susan — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:16:51 GMT

Joyce, My prayers go out to you and your Mom. I will pray you find the "perfect" home for her. We had to put my 87 year old DMIL in the nursing home as she at dementia and would walk around the house naked,etc. etc. but at times she would seem almost normal. She did not want to go and did not understand why I could not care of her. We tried for months, but at the time our kids were teenagers and had to witness her strange behavior, so with the help of our Pastors and referrals from others we found a wonderful Christian home. The Director went to our church, so we were able to know that she was in good hands as this women who was also an RN with aging parents would be looking out for her . We could take her out when and if she wanted and were able to bring her quilts, bed table , lamp and pictures, etc. It took less than a month for her to adjust to her new Home and her confusion and dementia seemed to get a little better. She liked structure and routine so it was good for her. Only problem was those Diapers, she hated them! It was the hardest decision my DH had to make and it broke his heart at the time, as she had always said she never wanted to go to a home. However, it was the best thing we could have done for her and Im so grateful for those Nurses and CPAs, they were so caring, and dedicated to the elderly patients in their care. It was truly a blessing for my DMIL. My DSIL in California was all bent out of shape because we did not ask her opinion, or give her the option of caring for her. When we told her about her strange behavior, I got the feeling she thought we were making up stories. So she flew out here to "visit " her only to find that my DMIL was not sure who she was and did not know her GD at all. They stayed in a hotel, not with us which was highly unusual, as her and my DH were very close at one time and had visited us before this and stayed with us. Why she let it put a wedge between them Ill never know, she has called a couple of times in the last 7 years but only to relay a message. I feel bad for my DH because he thought he was doing the right thing for everyone. I think it was more over my DMILs assets, than about the nursing home but she would never admit that. Money sure can break up families, if you let it! Well, I hope you find a Good home for her and everything works out well for you. Prayers, Susan

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Ninette — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:15:37 GMT

Que bueno que estuvo bien con su familia, olvide los inconvenientes y disfrute de recuerdos gratos. Ninette

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Nana — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:18:19 GMT

Joyce

You are having to make one of the hardest decisions that any of us have to make. God be with you both.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Angele — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:42:34 GMT

Joyce I feel for you., my parents are still in their home. I am so fortunate to have brothers and sisters who take care of them. Soon they won't be able to stay there alone. At97 and almost 90, health issues are creeping in. When that time will come my brother has already said he would move in. Because I live halfway across the country, I go every summer to care for them for a few weeks. For now I can't do more as I'm still working. My prayer is that they both can die in their home when the time will come. It has been their wish. I can never repay my siblings for all they do for our parents, but I sure do appreciate every bit of it.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Angele — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:30:13 GMT

Kristen,thanks for sharing the update. You are beautiful. I'm happy that you got the chance to spend time with your tie. Like many have said before, keep the good memories, and let go of the rest. I hope you do get to rekindle some of your old friendship.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Bev — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 21:26:24 GMT

Kristen and Joyce,

I feel for both of your parents not wanting to leave their home. If you think about it, losing your independence and making your own decisions is the hardest thing about getting old. If there is a way that they could have someone come live with them that would be an option to consider unless it is totally impossible. I dread the day that my Children tell me what to do and when to do it. I remember with my Parents I always tried to make what I wanted them to do seem like it was there idea, kind of like I do with my Husband. :-).

Whatever your decision is be at peace with it.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Nana — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 19:31:16 GMT

Kristen

Beautiful pics. I am glad that your time with your dad was good. And the difficulties not too bad.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Lesley — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 18:14:57 GMT

Joyce

I am so sorry about your Mum. I hope you find the right place for her. Don't feel guilty you are doing what is best for all of you. Wishing you well in your search.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Lesley — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 18:09:52 GMT

Kristin

What a lovely photo and the others are great too, love the one of Dad. Treasure your Dad! If he's anything like my Dad was the only man in my life I could truly rely on!

Hugs xx

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Sue — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 16:27:34 GMT

"told him he needs to be in assisted living or a nursing home but he won't have anything to do with it."

Kristin,

My dad was told the same thing, but he insisted that he wanted to stay in his own home and "die in my own bed". My dad had the beginnings of Alzheimer's, he died in his own bed in August of 2011, peacefully. I had hospice in to take care of him in the end. The police said that was the best thing I could have done for him. One of my sisters was resentful and to this day will not speak to me. I feel it is her loss, not mine. My brother and other sister are very close, we talk or e-mail every other day. We have tried to include the resentful one but she refuses to budge and carries her anger at us like a talisman. She even left his burial service early because she said " I wasn't honoring his last wishes".

I sincerely hope that you will continue to try to be at peace with your family, write, send cards, do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives, even if you feel it hurts. After all is said and done, family is all we ever have. Friends are great and wonderful and listen and offer advice, but family is forever.

God speed.

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Kristin (KAlbrecht) — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 16:12:11 GMT

Hi Joyce --

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom. We have been struggling with getting my Dad into a nursing home since my Mom passed in 2010. He just says that if he moves out of the house then he'll die. He's been in and out of the hospital numerous times with broken bones, heart failure, and other illnesses. The hospital releases him to a nursing home but as soon as he feels better he discharges himself and finds somebody to drive him home. Family, friends, parishioners at his church, and medical professionals have all told him he needs to be in assisted living or a nursing home but he won't have anything to do with it. Even the archdiocese of Minneapolis and the bishop have urged him to move but he balks at any hint of moving. We did finally get him to agree to wear a Life Line Alert necklace so now when he falls the police and paramedics get called right away. His neighbors, friends, and church parishioners are great . . . he gets at least three visits a day from people who are just checking on him and that's something that I will be forever grateful for.

My thoughts and prayers are coming your way for some help for your Mom.

Joyce:

Kristin very nice pics of you and the family. Thanks for letting us see. Good to hear you had a nice time with your dad. My mom is in the hospital and I spent part of today looking at nursing homes. They say I can't take care of her anymore. I do realize that but it doesn't make it any easier. The hospital called just a few min. ago and said they had to give her meds to calm her down tonight. I will go again in the am to spend time with her. Mon. will be the day to move her to the nursing home. She doesn't understand and wants to come home. My heart is breaking. Trusting God to get us all thru this. Sorry for sounding off.

Joyce

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Mimi — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 16:03:53 GMT

Kristin,

I was so glad to read that God granted you the grace you needed while celebrating your dad's birthday. We can't pick our family but we can pick our friends. And you have many here at QCA. Keep smiling - you've got a beauty!

Re: I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Ginny — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 14:52:48 GMT

Joyce, I am very sorry that you have to go thru this with your Mom. I had to do similar things with both of my parents. My father was put into a very lovely nursing home after being abused in a previous one. But when he went back into the hospital, they wouldn't take him back because we hadn't paid to reserve his room, so he went to a small older nursing home that I had questions about through previous experience with patients from that home years earlier. Well , things had changed greatly with a change in ownership. It was a very nice and caring place. In fact, my Mom requested to be placed there when she had to go to a nursing home. They gave her great care. Good luck in your search. Ginny