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Joke/Inspiration of the Day

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Kris replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 1:27 AM | Locked

Debbie-do:
... when you realize that your friend's fat arm makes you
look naked in the office party photo.

Yikes.

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KATHY replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 6:32 AM | Locked

 Debbie,

OMG!  That is a scary thought for sure!

CLEVELAND, TEXAS

 


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Leslie replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 7:26 AM | Locked

I will have to remember and tell friends not to stand behind me for picture taking lol

[Ava, Missouri

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Marsha-SM replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 1:12 PM | Locked

My arm isn't quite that big around, but the dangling "flap" can have the same effect!

Marsha - Western New York

 

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Barbara replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 1:49 PM | Locked

Oh my Debbie that is so funny ,I'll make sure i don't stand that close to anyone form now on when a picture is taken LOL   Barbara

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

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Barbara replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 1:50 PM | Locked

Nancy your jokes were so funny , I thank you for the great laugh..Barbar

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

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MNnancy replied on Sun, Dec 11 2011 8:47 PM | Locked

Debbie, I DID think she was naked, and I had to do a double take when I read the last line.  How funny!


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Marie replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 10:48 AM | Locked

Pics are missing but it's still funny!

Crisis runs in the family


Bobbitt Family Update
 


In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago .

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena . 

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable Condition, and Louella has been charged with . . . 
? ? ?





A Misdawiener!
 


You know damn well you're going to send this on to somebody!!

 

Millbury, MA

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Leslie replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 10:54 AM | Locked

Marie, roflol

[Ava, Missouri

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gini replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 11:13 AM | Locked

MNnancy:
I DID think she was naked, and I had to do a double take when I read the last line.  How funny!

 

i had to do several takes,  it wasn't computing in my head.

gini in north idaho

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Laurie replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 5:19 PM | Locked

This is too funny... had to share.

FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th DECEMBER

RE: Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!

 

We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

 

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.

 

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

 

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

 

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

 

Patricia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: 5th December

RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

 

However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

 

Happy now?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

 

Patricia.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM; Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE : 6th December

 

RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I

supposed to handle this? Somebody?

 

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.

 

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Patricia.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: 7th December

 

RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

 

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

 

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

 

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

 

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

 

 Patricia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: Patricia Harris, Human Resources Director

TO: All F***** G Employees

 

DATE: 8 December

 

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

 

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.

 

You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.

 

They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

 

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

 

The *** from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

 

DATE: 12th December

 

RE: Patricia Harris and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patricia a speedy recovery and

I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

 

Ottawa, ON Canada

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Maggie replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 5:32 PM | Locked

Nancy, very cute jokes.

Debbie, love the pic and wonder if it is going to end up going viral on youtube  LOL

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Nana replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 5:33 PM | Locked

Laurie

Love it.  So true.

Vinton, Virginia

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Cindy replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 5:40 PM | Locked

What do they say about a joke....there is a measure of truth.  LOL

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Vivian replied on Tue, Dec 13 2011 6:36 PM | Locked

Ah yes, Laurie thats about where I am shopping for the Drivers Christmas basket.  I don't even like most of them,  up to and including my BIL who can out complain anyone.  I do like my housekeeper, so shopping for her was great.

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