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Joke/Inspiration of the Day

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Marie replied on Thu, Oct 20 2011 11:02 PM | Locked

gini:
Helen Reddy - I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Too funny Gini!  This one is me so watch out SE retreaters, you'd do well if you put me in the attic to sleep.  Or pair me up without another Helen Reddy!

Millbury, MA

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Clare replied on Thu, Oct 20 2011 11:08 PM | Locked

So funny but a word of advice to anyone else about to read it PLEASE don't have a cuppa tea in hand or you might spill it like I did. I laughed so hard!

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Marie replied on Thu, Oct 20 2011 11:30 PM | Locked

Marie:
 Or pair me up without another Helen Reddy!

That should read......... Or pair me up with another Helen Reddy!

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Kris replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 1:36 AM | Locked

gini:
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday

This is fantastic Gini. ROFLOL.

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Vivian replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 9:38 AM | Locked

And now... today's life lesson:

 

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,

 

but ----

 

pissing everyone off ---

 

is a piece of cake.

 

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Sheila replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 9:58 AM | Locked

Vivian :

And now... today's life lesson:

 

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,

 

but ----

 

pissing everyone off ---

 

is a piece of cake.

 

Yes, and I love to do EASY! ROFLMAO!

 

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Nana replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 12:11 PM | Locked

Amen Vivian.   Love it.

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Cindy replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 4:10 PM | Locked

Yep....

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Karla replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 4:50 PM | Locked

I'm actually quite good at pissing everyone off...anyone need lessons.  My daughters and husband think I'm an expert.

 

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Sukochi replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 4:57 PM | Locked

Karla:

I'm actually quite good at pissing everyone off...anyone need lessons.  My daughters and husband think I'm an expert.

 

Na, Karla. You be a sweetheart.

Sukochi

 

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Vivian replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 6:03 PM | Locked

Like I said to one of our drivers, "you are pissing off a menoposal, tired woman, I'd be worried if I were you"

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abcd replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 7:20 PM | Locked

Hollywood Squares lols: 

 

Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q.Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!


(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q
. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be ?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q.True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

 

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Nana replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 7:27 PM | Locked

Always loved Hollywood Squares back in the day.  I would laugh so hard that my sides hurt.

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Vivian replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 7:30 PM | Locked

My ribs hurt from coughing and that did not help. I have to forward that to a friend. I laughed so hard.

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Ginny replied on Fri, Oct 21 2011 7:45 PM | Locked

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Bella

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