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Joke/Inspiration of the Day

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gini replied on Sat, Jun 25 2011 8:39 PM | Locked

oh, marge,  after a long day of driving, thanks for the laugh

gini in north idaho

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Margaret Weber replied on Sun, Jun 26 2011 8:42 AM | Locked

Marge those were great, thanks for the laughs.

Margaret

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abcd replied on Sun, Jun 26 2011 12:59 PM | Locked

Here's one I just got in an email that you might enjoy ~ (since "we" were talking about Forest Gump the other day)

***********************************************************************************      :D  Bella -

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.  
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,  
it is certainly good to see you.
 
We have heard a lot about you. 
I must tell you, though, that the
place is filling up fast,

and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone.
 
The test is short, but you have to
pass it before you can get into Heaven.
Forrest responds, 'It sure is
good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
 
But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam
 
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.  
Life was a big enough test as it was..'  
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is
only three questions.

 
First:

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:  How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says,
'Now that you have had a chance to think the
questions over, tell me your answers.'
 
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one --
which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
 
Shucks, that one is easy.
  That would be
Today and Tomorrow..'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point,
and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.  
 
How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?  
Now that one is harder,'replied Forrest, ' but I thunk and thunk about that,
and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?

 
Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd,
February 2nd, March 2nd... ‘‘Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.

'I see where you are going with this,  and I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind.... but I will have to give
you credit for that one, too.
 
 
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied,
 
'It's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated
and frustrated St Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my
first two questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the
name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied.
 
'I learnt it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

 
Lord, Give me a sense of humor
 
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
 
And to pass it on to other folks!

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sassypixie replied on Sun, Jun 26 2011 1:57 PM | Locked

thanks for those reminder to treat eveybody with kindness inclued our loved ones

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gini replied on Sun, Jun 26 2011 7:29 PM | Locked

good one bella, thanks for the laugh      gini

gini in north idaho

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Nana replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 12:20 AM | Locked

Bella

Good one...thanks.

Vinton, Virginia

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Patti replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 7:03 AM | Locked

Thanks Bella, starting my day smiling.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

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Margaret Weber replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 8:34 AM | Locked

Thanks for sharing Bella, that was a great one.

Margaret

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 6:37 PM | Locked

Gee all along I thought His name was Harold.  You know ---- Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be your name.

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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abcd replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 8:24 PM | Locked

Marge (AKA Dimples):

Gee all along I thought His name was Harold.  You know ---- Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be your name.

Nah, you're getting confused with the fact that Harold is the cousin of the guy who is in charge of the republic of America:  Richard Stanz..  ( you know, the one to whom we pledge allegiance: .."and to the republic, for Richard Stanz ..." ?)

;D

B.

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MNnancy replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 9:21 PM | Locked

LOL!

Marge and Bella, were you kindergarten teachers at one time?  Kids come up with the best ones!


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Marcia Gradowski replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 9:34 PM | Locked

Oh my gosh!!!

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abcd replied on Wed, Jun 29 2011 10:26 PM | Locked

MNnancy:

LOL!

Marge and Bella, were you kindergarten teachers at one time?  Kids come up with the best ones!

I taught Jr. high. High School, and college.  One day in my college speech class, one student asked what was the difference between teaching Jr. high and high school.  I answered it this way: 

"A jr. high school student doesn't have HIS homework because:  the dog chewed it up, the baby spit up on it, or his mom drove off with it in her car;  A high school student doesn't have HIS homework because:  'I just didn't feel like doin' it, man -'  But I don't know what it is with you college guys."

Immediately one of my students (who had been a fellow student of mine when we were both in high school) shot up his hand, and then said:

"I will tell you what it is:  the dog chewed it up, the baby spit up on it, my WIFE drove off with it in her car, AND - I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DOIN' IT!"

So I guess it comes full circle!  lol!  (oh, by the way, that "Richard Stanz" thing is an oldie, I think it WAS Art Linkletter's book:  "Kids say the darndest things !" 

:D   B.

 

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Thu, Jun 30 2011 9:49 AM | Locked
An  atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her  and said, "Do you want to talk?
 
Flights go quicker if  you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
   
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
" Oh, I don't know," said the atheist.  "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
    
"OK,"  she said.  "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.  A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.  Why do you suppose that is?"
 
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
   
To  which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death, when you don't know crap?"

Marge (AKA Dimples)

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Thu, Jun 30 2011 10:19 AM | Locked
TENNESSEE WOODEN LEG INSURANCE 
 

A man and his wife, moved back home to Tennessee, from  Ohio. 
 
The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it in Ohio cost them $2000 per year! 
When they arrived in Tennessee, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. 
The agent looked it up on the computer and said:  "$39.00." 
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap to insure in Tennessee compared to $2000 in Ohio! 
 
The agent turned his computer screen towards the couple and said, 
'Well, here it is on the screen.... it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39.00.
 

 You just have to know how to describe it ! ( HILLBILLIES know how "to git'er done")

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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