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Joke/Inspiration of the Day

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Marsha Landry replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 10:20 AM | Locked

That is an awesome video.  As the mother of a totally disabled mentally brilliant daughter I can understand her wanting to encourage other disabled people to get involved.  My daughter got involved with volunteer work and has worked with Children's Miracle Network for 17 years.  Now she is partnered with a teenager to do marathons.  The only disabled person is the one with a negative attitude.  That is her motto.

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 10:59 AM | Locked

Diane - that was so funny.  You forgot that the man must be able to do laundry and cooking while suffering from a migraine and still keep a smile on his face.  My ex used to come home and slam doors and then ask when I was going to get up and make him something to eat when I used to suffer from almost weekly migraines.  Funny --- since  my divorce, I hardly ever get migraines any more.

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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Nana replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 11:03 AM | Locked

Marge (AKA Dimples):
Funny --- since  my divorce, I hardly ever get migraines any more.

 

Marge

LOL>...wonder what was causing all those migraines......

Vinton, Virginia

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 11:09 AM | Locked

The doctor I was seeing at the time asked the same question and I told him I got rid of the pain in the neck! 

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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Vivian replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 12:19 PM | Locked

My sister used to have the worst hands.  She lost her fingernails on several occasions due to eczema.  Since her and her husband spilt, she hasn't had any problems with her hands.  Stress can do some funky things with your body. its always best to listen to it and try to figure out if something should change in your life.

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Diane Morgan replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 9:30 PM | Locked

Marge (AKA Dimples):

The doctor I was seeing at the time asked the same question and I told him I got rid of the pain in the neck! 

Divorce sure has it's benefits.

North of Boston MA

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Kris replied on Thu, Feb 17 2011 11:34 PM | Locked

Nana:

Diane

Too funny.  I don't think I have met a man that would be able to fill that bill......LOL

Heck I don't think I'd be able to do it.

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Leslie replied on Fri, Feb 18 2011 5:21 AM | Locked

Hi Marsha, welcome to the club. I love your DDs motto

[Ava, Missouri

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Diane Morgan replied on Fri, Feb 18 2011 9:48 AM | Locked


 
OUR LORD 'S PRAYER FOR 2011
The moment you receive it,say:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..
For 
Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory now and forever.

Amen..

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming year..

No matter how much your enemies try this year, they will not succeed.

You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve
all your goals this year...

In 2011, all your agonies will
be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance.
Today, God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pain because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me.. My
child! What can I do for you? And I said,


'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message.. '

North of Boston MA

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Nana replied on Fri, Feb 18 2011 10:03 AM | Locked

Diane

Thank you....I needed that this morning.  It really  lifted me up and touched my heart.   God bless you.

Vinton, Virginia

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Cindy replied on Fri, Feb 18 2011 12:49 PM | Locked

Thank You, Diane.  That is  my prayer for you as well.

Cindy

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Mon, Feb 21 2011 1:18 PM | Locked

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar


Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?

A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. (My personal favorite.)

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)


Q.. What happens to your body as you age?

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.


Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A. Premature death.


Q. What is artificial insemination?

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.  


Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?

A. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?

A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,I,O,U.
(wtf!)                                                  

Q. What is the fibula?

A. A small lie.


Q. What does 'varicose' mean?

A. Nearby.


Q. What is the most common form of birth control?

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'?

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.


Q. What is a seizure?

A.. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?

A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)


Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.


Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
(brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Marge (AKA Dimples)

Griffin, GA

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gini replied on Mon, Feb 21 2011 1:51 PM | Locked

thanks for the laugh marge,   

when my nephew was 11 or 12, he told my mom he tought he was going through puberty,   she asked him how he knew?   his answer, " 'cause i'm growing public hair".    gini

gini in north idaho

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Diane Morgan replied on Mon, Feb 21 2011 3:13 PM | Locked

My Special Friends

North of Boston MA

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Diane Morgan replied on Mon, Feb 21 2011 3:25 PM | Locked

Sorry! I can't post this link for some reason. I keep getting a weird error. I'll try later.

North of Boston MA

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