Top 10 Posters

Joke/Inspiration of the Day

Page 3 of 260 (3891 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last » | RSS

rated by 0 users
This post has 3,890 Replies | 49 Followers

Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,654
Points 82,429
Diane Morgan replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 4:04 PM | Locked

Marge~

good one! ROFL

North of Boston MA

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 5,445
Points 94,185
Judy Iliff replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 5:01 PM | Locked

ROTFL

 


Gillette, WY

 

  • | Post Points: 35
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 11,657
Points 136,092
Leslie replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 6:53 PM | Locked

ROFLOL Very funny Marge.

[Ava, Missouri

  • | Post Points: 35
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 28,719
Points 419,689
gini replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 7:23 PM | Locked

good one marge.     gini

gini in north idaho

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 28,719
Points 419,689
gini replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 7:25 PM | Locked

hi jig, welcome.  it is always fun to meet new quilters,  tell us a little about yourself.  nosy gini

gini in north idaho

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,782
Joyce Brenden replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 9:56 PM | Locked

Marge--

That was a good one!  Talk about your words coming back to haunt you, huh?

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,782
Joyce Brenden replied on Thu, Sep 30 2010 9:58 PM | Locked

Judy--

You got your Smileys back!  Mine disappeared for a few days awhile back, but then they came back too.  Odd, huh?

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,654
Points 82,429
Diane Morgan replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 8:41 AM | Locked

Medical Humor

1.     A man runs into the ER shouting,
‘My wife's  going to have her baby in the cab.’
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.     
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . .  I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient. 

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up
Appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications..
' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of
the old  patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
 

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when  my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered ... . . It  was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to  mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,
      
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. 
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.  . .
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor  but the song you were whistling was . . .
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name.... 
   


1 MORE 
 
Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.

North of Boston MA

  • | Post Points: 65
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,741
Points 436,790
Nana replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 9:00 AM | Locked

Diane

These are great.  I had a good laugh this morning.  Thanks for sharing.

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Not Ranked
Female
Posts 1
Points 40
Yvonne replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 9:23 AM | Locked

Thanks very much for the great, out loud  laugh. I'm on my way to work and now I am in a very good mood.

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 6,402
Points 119,641
Patti replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 10:03 AM | Locked

definitely a lot of out loud laughing on these.  Priceless!

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,782
Joyce Brenden replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 11:12 AM | Locked

Diane--You've done it again!  Thanks for the laugh out loud funnies.

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 11,657
Points 136,092
Leslie replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 11:45 AM | Locked

ROFLOL, Diane

[Ava, Missouri

  • | Post Points: 5
Not Ranked
Female
Posts 4
Points 70
Gertie replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 12:15 PM | Locked

The sack lunches reminded me, does anyone participate in the Soldiers' Angels quilting program?  I have started a couple to send and I was curious if anyone else does this also.

 

btw - the medical mentions are hilarious on here, thank you for the laughs!

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 25,863
Points 382,477
Kris replied on Sat, Oct 2 2010 8:23 PM | Locked

Diane,

we have some of those posted at work.  I love the last one, too funny.

  • | Post Points: 20
Page 3 of 260 (3891 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last » | RSS
Have a Question? | About Us | Privacy Policy | Join Today © 2015 F+W All rights reserved.
By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use