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MaryLeeHayden Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2013 10:45 AM
I don't know where to begin to thank you all for your kindness and concern. It's been a rough few months and although I've tried concentrating on the good things from this year, I have not been successful at keeping the bad thoughts and feelings away. I'm embarrassed that I threw a "tantrum" when you were trying to help someone that many of you didn't even know. I know it came from a place of love and concern. While it was a difficult experience for me, I do appreciate the love that went into the decision made by Prairie Dog and others. It has taught me that there are people I can reach out to when I need a friend even if they are far away. I know I am not alone struggling with all the "lovely" things age brings. I have struggled with depression my whole life and take medication daily to keep it at bey. I think the stress over Phil's open heart surgery truly put me over the edge and, even though he is doing great, the thought of losing him is unbearable to me. He is the love of my life and I am so blessed to have him. I am also blessed to have you gals here at QCA. I am humbled by the quilt some are working on for me. Please be sure to sign the blocks so I can wrap myself in your love and comfort during difficult times. I plan to hang out here a bit more often and maybe even get Patches (my sewing machine) dusted off and running again. Thank you for your friendship and concern.
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Candis replied on Wed, Dec 18 2013 10:58 AM

Mary, Please don't apologize! You did absolutely nothing wrong!  We are all human, life deals some devastating blows to all of us. I am grateful you posted that first letter to QCA . It shows us all we are not alone, even if it is cyber buddies. I feel it was your hotline, you matter to us!  If I ever feel this way, which believe me I have many times!  I will vent here, among people who will understand, and share in many of my troubles.  So keep talking to us, even if it's anger, that's what friends are, they give unconditional love, with no judgements.  I'm so glad your back on here with us!  Love that smiley picture..

MODESTO, CA.
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Brenda replied on Wed, Dec 18 2013 11:26 AM

I for one am glad that I found a new group of friends here.  Someone is always out. there to listen and of course to help with a problem with a quilt.  Welcome back Mary. :)

 

Quilt, have fun, spend less time worrying if it is perfect.

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Barbara replied on Wed, Dec 18 2013 11:30 AM

OH Mary ,you have nothing to be sorry for , WE all need a good friend and a shoulder now and then , believe me I Know just how you are feeling , just know you are loved by all of us .. Barbara

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

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Mary, It is so great to see your beautiful smile again in your avatar! We're all happy that you decided to stay here with us on QCA. By the way, i love the name of your sewing machine- so cute!

 

 

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hhhdmh replied on Wed, Dec 18 2013 1:30 PM

Hi Mary, I know what depression is like. When my youngest son,Matt, passed away at age 26 I did not care if I lived or died, it really didn't matter to me. He went to bed on Friday night said he wasn't feeling well and he did not wake up Saturday morning. I could not believe it when his wife called me at work. I was devastated. 

One day I was looking on the computer for free embroidery designs and found a site that had a hunt for the designs so that gave me something to look for everyday and I began talking to some of the ladies through the computer and that helped me to get somewhat better. I still take medication, but the groups gave me a purpose to keep going. I know that is a small thing but sometime great things come in small packages.  

All my family live in Arkansas and I live in Indiana so the embroidery groups were along with calls and visits from my family kept me going.  In Feb. it will be 5 years that he has been gone and I think of him everyday but it is a little easier now thanks to the groups and my family.

So just know that we are here for you.

God Bless

Darlene in Indiana

 

God Bless

 

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lovemyavy replied on Wed, Dec 18 2013 2:09 PM

Welcome back, Mary. (((hugs)))

lovemyavy in Ohio! 

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Like so many of the others have said, you have nothing to be sorry for.  That's what we're here for.  I'm really glad that you posted something instead of keeping it all to yourself!  Glad to see that big smile back in your profile pic!!  I know your depression is not over and your struggles are not over, as Philip is still newly out of his surgery.  So please know that we are here for you in the future too.  If you're feeling down again next week or the week after, I hope you'll reach out to us.  We will still be here!  

Raleigh, NC

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Linny t replied on Thu, Dec 19 2013 4:53 PM

God bless you Mary.  I've been following your posts, but haven't posted before.  I'm so happy to be reading this post.  Sounds like you found a level spot to get your bearings.  I know about depression, too, like many here.  In reading about your worry about Phil's upcoming surgery, just remember that the same lovely ladies here will wrap their hearts around you to help you get through that, too.  They did this for me when I lost my husband some years ago.  I don't know what I would have done without them.  You're in my prayers, dear.

Linny T

 

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Nana replied on Thu, Dec 19 2013 6:50 PM

Mary

You have nothing to apologize for.  I know how it gets sometimes and am grateful that we both have QCA as a place to go when we need shoulders to lean on.   I am so glad to here that you are doing better.  You were in my prayers for several days when things were the roughest for you.   And know that you will remain in my prayers for the coming year.   You are a dear friend and I count myself lucky to have met you.

Vinton, Virginia

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Patti replied on Thu, Dec 19 2013 10:56 PM

There is the kind of depression that is immense sadness, regardless of how wonderful everything else may be.   That is a physical disorder with emotional symptoms.  Medication may help with this.  Then there is the depression that is a reaction to difficult circumstances and loss, or fear of loss.  Mary, you were caught in a vortex caused by both at the same time.  Kind of like being caught in "the perfect storm."  That you were able to reach out, is amazing. 

You are worthy Mary.  And I am so glad your friends here are putting together a quilt.  So when we are far and you need a hug, you can wrap yourself in the quilt and feel the embrace.  

Now to go look through my purple fabrics!

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

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Diana replied on Fri, Dec 20 2013 8:16 AM

Mary,  Since you want to get Patches dusted off, Carolyn from Raleigh, NC is coming for the days the end of Dec.  Would you like to join us?  If you don't want to drag Patches along, I have extra machines. We can even do some cutting for you to sew later at home.  Let me know.  Huggs to ya.

Diana in East TN

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Mary, Since you want to get Patches dusted off, Carolyn from Raleigh, NC is coming for the days the end of Dec. Would you like to join us? If you don't want to drag Patches along, I have extra machines. We can even do some cutting for you to sew later at home. Let me know. Huggs to ya. Diana in East TN As much as I would love to come, I do have a doctor's appointment Monday morning at 10:30. I also don't want to leave Phil alone overnight but perhaps I could come for a few hours one of the days she is there? Let me know. Sounds like fun.
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Karla replied on Fri, Dec 20 2013 11:15 AM

Oh Mary that sounds like it would be so much fun.  I know that Diana is a hoot.  I really wish I was close enough to meet with other quilters in the area, even if I had to drive a couple of hours.  The few quilters I've met here in town are kind of a clique.  They've been together for so long, I guess, that they don't really welcome newcomers.  We don't have a guild here in town, but we do have a great quilt shop with super friendly employees.   I guess that's because they always say that I keep them in business.

Anyway, I hope you can make it to Diana's, even if it's only for a few hours.

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Diana replied on Fri, Dec 20 2013 11:27 AM

Mary,  I will check with Carolyn to verify which days she will be here, and you can pick a day that is good for you.  Even just a few hours will be fun.

Diana in East TN

 

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