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gini replied on Sun, Jun 2 2013 3:13 PM

patti, once again, you have been very eloquent and insightful    thanks for your great advice.  

mary and kris i wish we all live closer so we could see each other often.  (i tried to stuff kris in my suitcase once and bring her home, but her DH objected)

i not usually very outgoing,  but the retreats have been wonderful places to meet all of you.  we already know quite a bit about each other and being able to meet in person has been wonderful.  we don't stay strangers.  

 it has been wonderful to have all of you to share with, laugh with and cry with.

mary, i don't have any advice on how to find friends, but i wish you luck, you have been given some great ideas here. i love your quirky sense of humor, everyone you meet  should treasure a friendship with you. 

gini in north idaho

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zoetc49 replied on Sun, Jun 2 2013 3:44 PM

Patti,

You put into words what so many of us feel. I must have been your long lost sister because growing up I heard things just like you. I grew up with three older brothers and one even said that I must have been adopted because I was fat. Now they are the ones that no one wants to be around. I was picked on at school and I often just retreated to my own world.  My Mom even told me once that she did not know why I was going to collage because I was not collage material. I will let you know that it took me many years of working and going to school on my own but I graduated with honors when I was 40. I have a friend that I hang out with and he is always telling me that people need to take the time to get to know me. He says that I am a good hearted person and funny...my since of humor stems from growing up with brothers and I often don't care what I say- as long as it is not hurtful toward others. I did not grow up with many friends, I kept to myself and followed my own dreams. I was lucky in that I wanted to travel all over and I was able to do that , went to 14 countries, and loved each one for what they and their people had to offer. I have learned that I have out grown some people. I recall a saying, some people are in our lives for a moment, or a lifetime and we don't know which it is. I know I did not get this right, but it's something like that. If anyones wants to find it and post, please feel free to do so.

This forum has helped me see me even better. We all want to be accepted. I don't always tolerate others that I give a lot to in time and emotions if they don't give back in someway.  I have learned that by me being me, I attract the people that I want to be around with, and this makes me happy.  

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Kris replied on Sun, Jun 2 2013 10:58 PM

gini:
(i tried to stuff kris in my suitcase once and bring her home, but her DH objected)

LOL.

gini:
i love your quirky sense of humor, everyone you meet  should treasure a friendship with you. 

I totally agree. Mary, you're awesome. I'm glad I got to meet you in Virginia Beach.

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Linda replied on Mon, Jun 24 2013 4:54 PM

Well, everyone we all seem to be in the same boat. When I moved back to Ohio and contacted my "friends", they didn't want anything to do with me when they found out about my accident and learned that I could no longer drive. So here I sit day in, day out and really can't go anywhere....it's too far for me to walk to. I walk Indy but haven't met anyone. I have a good friend with my one neighbor. My very best friend has a shop at the end of the street but she hasn't handled my accident well either....just keeps telling me to "get over it". We almost dissolved our friendship of 35 years.  Now we don't see each other quite as often. My other best friend lives to far away and I see her about once a month. I don't even get to go to church because everyone goes to early service that starts at 8:00. I can't be ready to be anywhere by 8:00. No one lives close enough to take me to 10:30 service. I really miss church. It's hard being disabled on top of not being able to drive. Hugs.

 

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Linda, so sorry for this pain.  But I can totally understand to some degree, although I am not disabled.  But my husband and I are at that age, we can't seem to find work after moving here for a job.  Federal freeze fixed that.  And now I am far removed from friends/quilters/church.  Without a job, it's hard to go places.  No matter where you go it costs money.  But what i have found for me, is that sewing and quilting and crochet bring a lot of happiness.  And I do it by myself.  When I try to do things with others.  They have different ideas, money to spend and get tired of doing the same things.  But I really love being at home, in my space, all by myself doing nothing but what I want, not what they want.  This happened to me recently.  Met a friend, sewed each week, but when I was doing more for her than for myself.......well.  Then my son in another state became ill, my husband was sick, and she could not understand why I didn't want to come to her house to sew.......I wanted to take care of my family, and I could sew on my own things right at home...... even friends sometimes just don't get it.  She had her feelings hurt, felt I was cutting her off, and now, I just want to stay home.  There is a lot more to this story, but just do what makes You happy.  Whether it is reading your Bible, reading some devotionals, sewing, hand work or just thinking about good things.  God will direct you to the path that he wants you to be on......I won't say it is easy.  I'm new to this forum, and don't have time to respond to all the emails I receive.  But I want you to know, that I will be thinking of you, praying for you, and praying that you find peace.  In whatever it is you want to do.......  feel free to email me anytime.  seedyberries@gmail.com  

Happy in quilting, sewing, crocheting, fondly, gloria g. Hemingway, SC

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Hi

I had a thought for your Church difficulty alot of Churches have their services on the internet or on the radio. If  that doesn't work for you why not look in the phone book or start calling churches and see who has vans to transport to their services, some of them probably have quilting groups as well.

Take a chance on some new friends and a new church.

Kerry G

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MNnancy replied on Mon, Jun 24 2013 9:35 PM

Linda:
No one lives close enough to take me to 10:30 service. I really miss church.

Linda, can you ask them to post a note in the Sunday bulletin stating that you are looking for a ride to the 10:30 service?  There may be someone you haven't met (yet) who doesn't live too far away or who doesn't mind driving a little further.  Christians are good people!  


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Karla replied on Mon, Jun 24 2013 10:30 PM

Yes, post it in the church bulletin or seek the advice of your pastor.  We used to pick up a disabled gentleman every Sunday on our way to church.  We wouldn't have even known that he needed a ride, but our pastor asked us one day if we would mind picking him up.  We gave him a ride for a couple of years until he passed away.  He was a loner with no family.  We felt that for a while we became his family.  It was a good lesson for our daughters.  They have grown up helping the disabled with whatever and whenever they can.

 

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Joni replied on Tue, Jun 25 2013 6:46 AM

Linda:
I don't even get to go to church because everyone goes to early service that starts at 8:00. I can't be ready to be anywhere by 8:00. No one lives close enough to take me to 10:30 service. I really miss church. It's hard being disabled on top of not being able to drive. Hugs.

Linda

I'm so sorry for your problems.  Most churches have a pick-up service that will take your to services, activities, etc and bring you back home.  Contact your church, if not them then seek out another church, that provides such a service.  It does not matter the denomination, just that you will be with like minded people praising God.   You just might make new and valuable friends who share your interests and your love of Jesus.  Keep praying and searching, God will see that you once again connect with His people.

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Hi Linda -

 

I second Joni's advice. First talk to the pastor at your current church. If nothing works out there, God may be leading you to a new church. Good luck!

Chris

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Agnes replied on Tue, Jun 25 2013 10:37 AM

This is a wonderful topic with a lot of good advice. Something I haven't seen in any response, and I apologize beforehand if I missed it, is that in order to be accepted I strongly believe we must accept who we are first. It goes back to the old adage, "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself." I really had that pointed out very nicely to me when at 44 and moving on to yet another new community the church ladies group had a farewell tea and presented me with a plaque that used the phrase that "I walk to the beat of my own drummer" and that is what made me unique. Never forget that you are unique.

My mother had a real problem with not having friends but the bottom line was that she never reciprocated and waited for everyone to come to her. As already pointed out here friendship is a two way street or it will die. I have had many friends over the years and it is not unusual for friends to drift apart because of changing interests. Some of my best friends were ones with whom I had nothing in common. Something in our personalities just clicked. The reason we did not continue is that we moved too often and cultivated new friends and eventually the old drifted away.

Agnes in NW Ontario

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Susie replied on Tue, Jun 25 2013 10:40 AM

Kris:

My biggest problem is that I don't reach out. Not comfortable with that at all. I have no close friends as you described in your post. I fear I never will.

I'm with you, Kris!  I have made GREAT friends online.  I'm just too shy in person, and too busy to really make friends otherwise.  I have my interests, and it's so much outside my comfort zone to put myself out there, just to see if someone likes me enough to be my friend. 

I have tons of face-to-face friends that have been friends for a season--they come into your life to serve a purpose, and then they move along.  I haven't had any that have stuck around.  I have dear high school friends that we only keep in touch by facebook.  Life just isn't slow enough, like the 50's where women could get together for morning coffee.  We have to work, take care of kids going in multiple directions, still take care of the house, and in my case, all alone as a single mom.  Then the grandkids come along and you are caring for them as well.  Life doesn't slow down.

I am thankful EVERY DAY for the friendships I have made on QCA and a couple of my other online networks.  They keep me going and are always there to pick me up when I need it.

I'm constantly amazed at how great the people here are and how quickly they are willing to jump in with a pep talk, or boot to the head, so to speak.  I can only hope I do the same for someone else.

Chicagoland, Illinois

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Kris, Susie and others......along this line, I on the other hand, am very vocal, like to share and speak out.  I'm not afraid to say what is on my mind.  I can engage in most conversations.  But, I have one friend that doesn't say anything while with others, very quiet and then when we get out by our selves, she says I talk to much, and corrects me, and says she just wants folks to like me......I say, she is not my mother, she's supposed to be my friend......well, if I felt like someone didn't like me, then I wouldn't include them in what I am doing, and likewise they wouldn't include me.  I'm 60 plus years and this is the first time this has happened to me.  I do like being at home along, sewing alone, and going places alone.  So it can go both ways.......and yes, you do have to like yourself, and I do.......you can't force friendships.  So just reach out, if it doesn't happen right away, then reach again later, and to others.......surely there is someone out there that will be listening, and needing Linda too......and together they can do what they want.......

Peace to you and yours, happy in quilting, gloria g. 

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Julienne replied on Tue, Jun 25 2013 12:20 PM

Agnes:

This is a wonderful topic with a lot of good advice. Something I haven't seen in any response, and I apologize beforehand if I missed it, is that in order to be accepted I strongly believe we must accept who we are first. It goes back to the old adage, "You can't love someone if you don't love yourself." I really had that pointed out very nicely to me when at 44 and moving on to yet another new community the church ladies group had a farewell tea and presented me with a plaque that used the phrase that "I walk to the beat of my own drummer" and that is what made me unique. Never forget that you are unique.

My mother had a real problem with not having friends but the bottom line was that she never reciprocated and waited for everyone to come to her. As already pointed out here friendship is a two way street or it will die. I have had many friends over the years and it is not unusual for friends to drift apart because of changing interests. Some of my best friends were ones with whom I had nothing in common. Something in our personalities just clicked. The reason we did not continue is that we moved too often and cultivated new friends and eventually the old drifted away.

Oh Agnes, I could not agree more. It was something that I also was thinking about as I was reading this topic. This point is so important. And I think we all have to learn it at one point or another. I am disabled and for a short time right after it happened I was very resentful and was a tad hateful maybe that is to harsh, but the words are not coming to me to describe it. Anyhow I had to re-accept myself again, once I did that, I did not have problems with my friends anymore because I found friends that accepted me.

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Quiltless replied on Tue, Jun 25 2013 12:31 PM

It takes a thousand tiny contacts to build a friendship.  Each contact is like a brick in the friendship you are building. 

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