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Ladies, I desperately need your advice---on a personal level!!!!

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Tammy Posted: Mon, Apr 8 2013 1:25 PM

I'm afraid I'm in turmoil and need some guidance.  Nothing quilting I'm sad to say. 

My father is 81 yrs old and still lives in his own home.  He lives on his social security pretty much itself.  My problem is my sister who has filed for disability, never been married, lives with my mother (my parents are divorced), is going to be 53 yrs old.  She is totally able to work parttime at McDonald's or Walmart but chooses not to as she says she has an anurism.  She is not trust worthy as she's bilked myself and my parents many times and spent some time behind bars.  My problem---she comes to see dad whenever it suits her and when she comes down she goes to the store and charges groceries like she's buying for a family.  I'm dad's POA and take care of the bills. When I went to the store to pay his bill--$172.00--I found out it was 447.05!!!  That knocked the wind out of me.  I've already notified the store (local) and they keep all the receipts for me to look over. Back in Dec. when I had to recertify Dad for medicare, I noticed huge charges for cigarettes and for cash over the balance. With proof in hand I confronted her in front of mother and she tried to wiggle out of it but I had the proof.    My problem is how can I tactically keep dad from asking her to go get some groceries without giving him an ultimatum??  I don't want to tye his hands but I want her to stop spending his $$$$ on crap he really doesn't need.  He's living on social security and she should keep her mitts off his money in my opinion.  I'd like to ban her from coming to his home but that's just not right. This has been going on since last fall, caught her in Dec. and now have to get her to stop.    I'm there twice a week so I have gotten many of his few things he needs. 

HELP!!!!! HELP!!!!!   Advice please!!!!!!!

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I'm going to suggest  that  you call Adult Protective Services (Your county Health Dept/ or hospital should be able to provide their number) and ask for an advocte to help you. Your situation is not uncommon and they'll be able to walk you through your options.

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Tammy replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 1:52 PM

Thank you! I don't know if we have one---really small community.

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Marie replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 2:26 PM

Tammy, if I'm reading correctly, dad has a charge at the store he shops groceries at.  Just close that charge and you just pay with a check from his checking account the couple of times you go for him.  I'm assuming you have his checkbook since you take care of his bills.  Just make it hard for her to get her hands on cash, check, or credit.  

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Patti replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 3:09 PM

Both excellent suggestions.   All areas of all states are covered by Adult Protective Services.  And the misuse of your father's money is abuse.   They don't always have a lot of power, but they can be very helpful advocates, and can help protect your father and help you. 

Asking the store not to give your Dad credit would be good too.  Or at the very least to limit it to $50 or less.   As you get groceries for him a couple times a week, he shouldn't need more than that. 

Does  your sister ever go to the store and say she's getting stuff for him when he is unaware of this?  Perhaps the store can simply not allow your sister to use his credit. 

It's really tough taking care of our parents as they age when someone in the family not only does not do their part but takes advantage of them as well.

Patti

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Joye replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 3:30 PM

I agree with getting an advocate, that way your sister can't blame you :)

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Barbara replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 6:58 PM

I personally wouldn't care if she knew it was me or not ,that is just plain theft and I'd let her know you are aware of it and she will not be able to charge on your dad account again. Let the store know .or I would cancel the charge account and as stated earlier pay by check .To many elderly have had their money stolen by greedy offsprings and it is just wrong. If she keeps it up I would have her prosecuted . There are those of us that are good kids that need to protect our aging parents . Barbara

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Tammy:
My problem is how can I tactically keep dad from asking her to go get some groceries without giving him an ultimatum?? 

Maybe tell him what she did? 

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Tammy replied on Tue, Apr 9 2013 8:06 AM

Barbara:
I personally wouldn't care if she knew it was me or not

Believe me, she knows that I know!!  I've already told her if I see it happening again (thievery) that no one will be able to stop me from pressing charges on her!!  Thanks for your advice!!

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Barbara replied on Tue, Apr 9 2013 10:53 AM

Tammy  Your wlecome ,I hope it all gets worked out,  You are really in a tuff spot , but it's good you are looking after your parent . Wish there were more out there like you . Barbara

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Quiltless replied on Tue, Apr 9 2013 11:14 AM

It is obviously best to prevent it from happening, but there is always Small Claims Court too. 

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