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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #3

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Marie replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 7:16 AM

Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active!

 

1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named  May.   ...What was the third child 's           name?

 

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. ...What does he weigh?

 

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,   ...what was the highest mountain in the world?

 

4. How  much dirt is there in a hole   ...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

 

5. What word in the English Language   ...is always spelled incorrectly?

 

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ....How is this possible?

 

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

 

8. What was the President's Name... in 1975?

 

9. If you were running a race,   ...and you passed the person  in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

 

10. Which is correct to say,...   "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

 

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, ....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field ?

 

 

Here are the Answers

 

1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The   first child   w as named April The second child was named May .   What was the third child's name?

 

Answer: Johnny of course

 

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

 

Answer:   Meat.

 

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the  highest mountain in the world?

 

Answer:   Mt. Everest; it just wasn 't  discovered yet. [ You 're not very good at this are you?]

 

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three  feet by four feet?

 

Answer:   There is no dirt in a hole.

 

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

 

Answer:   Incorrectly

 

6.  Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this  possible?

 

Answer:< span> Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

 

7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why  not?

 

Answer:   You can 't take pictures with a  wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

 

8. What was the President 's Name in 1975?

 

Answer: Same as is it now -   Barack Obama [Oh, come on                                ...]

 

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

 

Answer:   You would be in 2nd. Well, you  passed the person in second place, not first.

 

10. Which is correct to  say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

 

Answer:   Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

 

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another   field?

 

Answer:   One. If he combines all of his  haystacks, they all become one big one.      

Millbury, MA

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Karla replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 9:30 AM

Great brain teasers, but I got them all correct, I'm on to these quizzes.  Some of the questions do make you stop and think before spitting an answer out.

 

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Nana replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 12:02 PM

Marie

Cute brain teasers but I got them all right.  Must be awake today....LOL

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MNnancy replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 8:26 PM

Number 8 got me.  I couldn't figure out the twist to that question.


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Joyce replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 8:47 PM

Well I'm really slow tonight I didn't get 7 or 8.  But I have a sinus infection so I'll use that excuse. ha

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Just J replied on Thu, Aug 15 2013 9:26 PM

Actually I believe the President was using the name Barry in 1975.  Back when he was a foreign exchange student.  I got all the rest correct too.

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Marie replied on Fri, Aug 16 2013 9:40 AM

I'm geography challenged so I got #6 wrong!

Millbury, MA

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Marie replied on Sat, Aug 17 2013 8:44 AM

Read text in next frame.

 

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Marie replied on Sat, Aug 17 2013 8:46 AM

Sorry, the pictures will not post.  I tried copying and pasting but no luck.

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Marie replied on Sat, Aug 17 2013 8:46 AM

Sorry, the pictures will not post.  I tried copying and pasting but no luck.

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Marie replied on Sat, Aug 17 2013 8:58 AM

This student is obviously going to be an attorney.

Sent to me by a lawyer and he should know! This is how he got through law school.

 

 

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM 
 

  I would have given him 100% for his wit!!!


Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle 
  
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the  page 
  
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid 
  
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage 
  
Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams 
  
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner 
  
Q7. What looks like half an apple? The other half 
  
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet 
  
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? No problem, he sleeps at night. 
  
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. 
  
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? Very large hands 
  
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already  built. 
  
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack. 
    
    
 
Spread the laughter, share the cheer

Let's be happy, while we're here !!

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Nana replied on Sat, Aug 17 2013 10:21 AM

Marie too cute.

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gini replied on Sun, Aug 18 2013 1:17 AM

good ones marie

gini in north idaho

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Marie replied on Sun, Aug 18 2013 10:53 AM

 The pics didn't come through but the words are enough, enjoy!

FOUR OF THE YEAR'S BEST COMEBACK RESPONSES 

Number 1:



If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. 


He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ..... 

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' 

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' 

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?' 

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' 

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' 

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' 

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes
 in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!' 

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' 

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.' 

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.' 

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock
 your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' 

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known
 to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Number 2: 
Now We Know Why He Was a General ----- 



In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. 

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
 

NUMBER 3



Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? 


"Oh, no ma'am, we don't go there to talk."








NUMBER 4

Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' 
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' 
Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!' 
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' 
Air Defense Site: ( ... total silence) 



God bless our troops. There is something about our military that makes other countries listen to reason.

 

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Bonita replied on Sun, Aug 18 2013 11:31 AM

Very true Marie, I loved the last one.

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