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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #3

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Cindy replied on Sat, Jun 8 2013 11:06 AM

Gini, This was such a sweet story...thanks for posting.

Cindy

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Marie replied on Mon, Jun 17 2013 12:50 PM

Father Guido Sarducci on the afterlife

If you are Catholic, you will laugh out loud.
If not Catholic, you could laugh even louder!
 
And if you were educated by Nuns, you'll really laugh the loudest!

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Marie replied on Mon, Jun 17 2013 12:57 PM

Why I Like Retirement ! 

Question:
 How many days in a week? 
Answer:
 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 



Question:
 When is a retiree's bedtime? 
Answer:
 Three hours after they fall asleep in the recliner. 


Question:
 How many retirees to change a light bulb? 
Answer:
 Only one, but it might take all day. 



Question:
 What's the biggest gripe of retirees? 
Answer:
 There is not enough time to get everything done. Very true


Question:
 Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? 
Answer:
 The term comes with a 10% discount. Sometime 15%



Question:
 Among retirees what is considered formal attire? 
Answer:
 Tied shoes. 


Question:
 Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer:
 They are the only ones who have the time. 



Question:
 What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? 
Answer:
 NUTS! So true


Question:
 Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 
Answer:
 They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.



Question:
 What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer:
 Normal. 


Question:
 
What is the best way to describe retirement? 
Answer:
 The never ending Coffee Break. 


Question:
 What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer:
 If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 


QUESTION:
 What do you do all week? 
Answer:
 Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday &Sunday, I rest.  

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Marie replied on Mon, Jun 17 2013 12:59 PM

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED.

 

However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. 
  
His final challenge was this:


Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.


  
Here is his astute answer: 
  
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!" 
  
His answer received a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes 

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weezee56 replied on Mon, Jun 17 2013 8:34 PM

Marie that is exactly right.

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Patti replied on Mon, Jun 17 2013 8:36 PM

Marie, I always enjoy what you have to share with us.   Thanks.

Patti

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Marie replied on Tue, Jun 18 2013 8:27 AM

What do you see?  Very inspirational!  Sorry if you don't see the pictureThis is simply AWESOME! 

   GOD PARTING THE SKY?
 
  Photo taken in Alabama ~
 
Bob Frew sent this out.

"I took this picture on Int.20, traveling to Leed, AL.  It has given me strength in the times of trouble.  I feel I should share it with the rest of the world.  I hope it is an inspiration to you.  It just goes to show what we already know...We have a God, and he's watching over us.

I e-mailed this picture to News Channel Fox 6.  I was contacted by Meteorologist James Spann.  He said that this picture of the sky is showing up in all states and around the world.  He wanted to know where I was from and where I took it.  He saw a similar picture taken in Texas.  He said this is amazing to him.

Just look at this picture! It reminds me of that song 'He's got the whole world in his hands.'  He is definitely in control.  I needed this today more than ever.  Enjoy and pass it along!"

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Marie replied on Tue, Jun 18 2013 9:34 AM

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.  He said, 
"I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards." 
 
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" 
 
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." 
 
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. 
 
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" 
 
I LOVE THIS ONE........... 
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting
 for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" 
 
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!        

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gini replied on Wed, Jun 19 2013 3:17 PM

________________________________
Incredible woman! 
      Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Calibre         
>>>>>>>>Yes, that's right!  A Woman Stops a Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal Pistol 
>>>>>>>>This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
>>>>>>>>What is the smallest caliber you 
trust to protect 
yourself?

The Beretta Jetfire:  (A personal testimony)
>>>>>>>>"While out hiking in 
Alberta Canada with my boyfriend, we were 
surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us 
from out of nowhere. She must have been 
protecting her cubs because she was extremely 
aggressive.  If I had not had my little 
Beretta Jetfire with me, I would not be here 
today! 
>>>>>>>>Just one shot to my boyfriend's 
knee cap was all it took.  The bear got him 
and I was able to escape by just walking away at 
a brisk 
pace.

gini in north idaho

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Karla replied on Wed, Jun 19 2013 3:33 PM

Love it, Gini.  I'll have to remember that technique if ever walking in the woods with ex sons-in-law and run into a bear.   Somedays, it might even be used on Sonny if he keeps up his current attitude.

 

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Nana replied on Wed, Jun 19 2013 5:31 PM

Gini you are just bad....ROFLOL

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MNnancy replied on Wed, Jun 19 2013 9:45 PM

Gini, I forwarded this on to some hunter friends.  I know the surprise ending will catch them!


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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Marie replied on Fri, Jun 21 2013 9:29 AM

Millbury, MA

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Marie replied on Mon, Jun 24 2013 9:17 AM

Subject: Fwd: Paper is dead.

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MNnancy replied on Mon, Jun 24 2013 10:05 AM

Marie,

ROFLMAO  

 


On the banks of the Mississippi River in north central Minnesota (Brainerd lakes area)

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