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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #3

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Marie replied on Sat, Apr 6 2013 10:19 AM

Mimi, glad to help.  You need to move in with me, I'd keep you in stitches the way I go around talking to myself and going back to where I had that last thought that I lost.  Keep on smiling, my friend, better days will come.  Prayers going up for all my quilty friends having problems.  (((((HUGS)))))

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Ginny replied on Sat, Apr 6 2013 12:27 PM

Unique Marie.     Ginny

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Ginny replied on Sat, Apr 6 2013 12:30 PM

OMG, is that it?  I have so many doors in my house.  No wonder I'm always in a fog.    LOL    Ginny

 

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Patti replied on Sat, Apr 6 2013 10:21 PM

Very clever and fun Marie.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

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Patti replied on Sat, Apr 6 2013 10:25 PM

If I happen to remember what I went in a room for, I will be lucky if I get out with everything I took into that room.  When I go looking for something, like a piece of paper, I will put my pen down get the paper and go to the other room and then I can't find my pen.  It sometimes goes on and on. I need a big apron with lots of pockets to hold what ever I am carrying around, so I don't lose that. 

Maybe I should just take off all the doors.

Patti

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Marie replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 9:56 AM

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 
8 years old, Hateful little ***. Bites! 
___________________________________________ 
FREE PUPPIES 
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. 
________________________________________________ 
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. 
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. 
_______________________________________________________ 

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. 
________________________________________________________ 

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! 
Must sell washer and dryer £100. 
_____________________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . 
Worn once, by mistake. 
Call Stephanie. 
___________________________________________________________ 
And the WINNER is... 

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. 
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. 

(Statement of the Century) 
___________________________________________________________ 

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. 

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, 
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" 
____________________________________________________________ 


Children Are Quick 
TEACHER: Why are you late? 
STUDENT: Class started before I got here. 
____________________________________ 
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER: No, that's wrong 
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
(I Love this child) 
____________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
__________________________________ 
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
WINNIE: Me! 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
_______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' 
MILLIE: I is.. 
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 
________________________________ 
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... 
______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
______________________________ 
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? 
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. 

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
___________________________________ 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
HAROLD: A teacher 
__________________________________ 
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH 

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

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Patti replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 12:05 PM

Love these Marie!

 

Patti

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Thanks for that, Marie. Totally made my day!

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gini replied on Mon, Apr 8 2013 9:00 PM

great ones, marie

gini in north idaho

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Nana replied on Thu, Apr 11 2013 7:06 PM

Marie

You have been on a roll lately.   Love them.

Vinton, Virginia

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Kris replied on Thu, Apr 11 2013 8:04 PM

Thanks Marie. I enjoyed those.

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ls2116 replied on Thu, Apr 11 2013 8:07 PM

In all my running around lately I lost my coat!  DH and I were out eating at a restaurant and I had a ah hah moment I pulled out my cell phone called my home phone left myself message that my coat was in SIL coat closet .  Then I forgot again until  listened to answering machine.  I laughed at myself and just thought I'd share that.

Quilting My Rainbow

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Ginny replied on Thu, Apr 11 2013 9:46 PM

Is, Sounds like you just have too much on your mind right now.  LOL   Ginny

 

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Kris replied on Fri, Apr 12 2013 12:32 AM

ls2116:

In all my running around lately I lost my coat!  DH and I were out eating at a restaurant and I had a ah hah moment I pulled out my cell phone called my home phone left myself message that my coat was in SIL coat closet .  Then I forgot again until  listened to answering machine.  I laughed at myself and just thought I'd share that.

Sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves.

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Marie replied on Fri, Apr 12 2013 10:23 AM

$2.99 SPECIAL
I love it.
 
If you are a Senior 
you will understand this one. 
If you deal with Seniors, 
this should help you understand them 
a little better, 
And if you are not a Senior yet........
God willing, someday you will be.

The 2.99 Special 

We went to breakfast at a restaurant 
where the 'Seniors Special' was 
two eggs, bacon, hash browns 
and toast for $2.99. 
'Sounds good,' my wife said,
'But I don't want the eggs.' 

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 
because you're ordering a la carte,' 
the waitress warned her. 

'You mean I'd have to pay for 
not taking the eggs?' 
my wife asked incredulously. 

'Yes!' stated the waitress. 
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' 
the waitress asked. 

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home 
and baked a cake.


DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! 
We’ve been around 
the block more than once!



Send this to the Seniors in your life. 
I'm sure they'll appreciate it!


Even Non-Seniors will appreciate it!
Always laugh when you can -
it's cheaper than medicine !!!
 

Millbury, MA

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