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MzA Posted: Wed, Feb 20 2013 3:45 PM

I joined this website to have more fun as a quilter, which I happen to LOVE doing.  I made the mistake of joining a Round Robin.  That was one of the most stressful mistakes I've ever made!!  Just as the group was getting started, I got a new job after being laid off.  So naturally I was very excited.  I realized it would take up so much of my time, I decided I should drop out. 

Well to make a long story short.  The moderator was less than gracious!!  She has been addressing the other quilters in a condescending tone with posts.  When people posts questions that SHE doesn't like but may be of some use to others, she deletes them. 

I was intially told that my center would continue the rounds and make its way back to me finished.  A couple of days later, SHE decided that my center should be sent back to me immediately.  FAIR??? hmmmm  I then realized that there were a couple of other people who, SHE HAPPENS TO KNOW, had to drop out.  She "ruled" that their tops be completed.

I emailed her and told her that I knew that she played favorites and it wasn't fair.

She then removed from even viewing the RR.  In other words when I called her on it, she took her ball and went home.

Bottom line, be VERY careful of the groups you join.  What should be nothing less than fun and enjoyment can turn into a power trip for some and frustration for others.  I really don't even want to be a member of this site anymore.

 

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Kris replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 6:40 PM

Sorry you had such a negative experience. I hope this doesn't keep you from participating in other activities on the site.

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Dear Avis, I am sorry this has happened to you. I have been a part of 2 Round Robin and have had a good time. I'm very sorry you haven't had the same experience. I hope this does not spoil the entire site for you or us for what you can share with us. I hope you stay.

MelodyP

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It's interesting how people read emotion into lines of text. If you are stressed and angry or in a bad mood, well thats generally how our brains will attribute internet posts from strangers.

I've participated in every RR by the moderator you so freely bash and take exception with. She's done an amazing job making it fun for everyone involved and keeping multiple groups of 20+ people on track.

I'd really like to be diplomatic here and sweet as pie but I just cant do it. Making a post in a general forum just to create drama like my 13 year old daughter is sad.

You should handle it privately and try TALKING to the moderator. If you  still feel the issue is something that needs to be looked into and are not satisfied contact the QCA peeps.It's easy to do and takes the same amount of time as writing crap about a woman you dont know who in your mind hurt your feelings over the internet.

Grow up and take a pill, sheesh

You wont find a better run RR anywhere as many people will tell you. They go horribly wrong real fast.

 

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MzA replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 8:15 PM

hmmm maybe you should take your own advice by speaking about me in this manner when you don't know me either!!  This is MY experience and I have the God given right to express it. 

If you had a good experience....GOOD FOR YOU!!  Maybe you're one of the "favorites" that get special treatment and rules and has decided to take on her offense.

Everyone's experience and interpretation can be different.  THIS IS MINE  From what I saw, I'm not the only one who is offended by some of the interaction and communication.  They decided to speak up and was promptly ATTACKED.

Stick to telling your 13 year old what to do and not a grown woman who could really care less what you think.

The key to dealing with a lot of people and get this, a lot of different personalities, is to be OBJECTIVE, FAIR AND TREAT EVERYONE THE SAME.

If that doesn't happen for everyone then it doesn't work.

Don't tell ME how I should handle anything, and you know what you can do with your pill.

 

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Falulabell, 

Perhaps you should practice what you preach.  I really don't think it was necessary to attack in the manner you did.  The first two comments were quite nice.  You do not know the whole story and you are taking up for the moderator.  There should be a lesson learned for those that moderate and those that participate.  I am involved in the current round robin and at I must say it didn't like some of the comments that were made and since they were not directed at me I read them and moved on, but that's just me MzA wasn't the only one to express her feelings to be attacked by others.  Hopefully we can have more positive responses and we should be free to express our feelings.  I read her post and I did not find it to be offensive but like you said I guess it depends on the mood.  Are you in a foul mood?

 

Northern VA

"Fabricologist Resource Center" ...now doesn't that sound more impressive than "fabric stash" ?

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Nana replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 8:23 PM

Avis

I don't know what happened with your RR team but I do know that everyone on my team were asked if they wanted to finish the quilt for someone that had to drop out or if we would prefer to send it back to her at that point.  The team all voted to complete the top and everyone was happy with the decision.  This was done thru private messages with the remaining team members.   It may not have been the group moderater that made the decision to not complete your top.

I am very sorry that you are unhappy with the way things were handled.  I do think though as a site moderater that this is something that should be handled between you and the other person privately instead of in general forums.

Vinton, Virginia

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MzA replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 8:39 PM

Nana:

Avis

I don't know what happened with your RR team but I do know that everyone on my team were asked if they wanted to finish the quilt for someone that had to drop out or if we would prefer to send it back to her at that point.  The team all voted to complete the top and everyone was happy with the decision.  This was done thru private messages with the remaining team members.   It may not have been the group moderater that made the decision to not complete your top.

I am very sorry that you are unhappy with the way things were handled.  I do think though as a site moderater that this is something that should be handled between you and the other person privately instead of in general forums.

Nana,

I really appreciate your response.  I did try to handle it privately.  I got short and sarcastic remarks and I was removed.  The moderator made the decision to NOT have my quilt top completed.  She didn't even ask my group if they wanted to finish it until AFTER it was pointed out to her that she was being unfair.  The other person who dropped out wanted her quilt top sent back to her and the moderator decided to step in and have it completed.  She first told me via email that my quilt top would be finished, then when I received a msg from a participant of my group that she had mailed my center.  I asked the moderator what happened.  She said it wasn't fair to have my top completed since I didn't "want" to participate. I replied that it wasn't that I didn't want to participate, I had a new job with huge time commitments and I thought I should drop out.

If I had known I was going to get this job, I never would've signed up.

 

 

 

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Barbara replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 10:51 PM

Okay everyone ,I'm asking as the moderater left , that I'm totally confused as to what is going on, and I will try my best to get it all staright ,but I'm also asking to please address all of this to me thru private messages. this in not the place for these discussions and we all need to stop now. I was the back up person and not privlaged in all the discussion ongoing.  So please have some patience  with me as I try and get it all figured out . Thanks everyone for your understandig on this . Barbara

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Patti replied on Wed, Feb 20 2013 11:50 PM

I think we need to keep in mind, that the monitors/leaders of the groups are volunteers.  Having done this myself, I realize how time consuming and difficult it can be.   There have been occasions, although rare, when something falls through such as a member of something like the secret Santa sending something out, but then her Santa is never heard from.  Or a fabric swap where a few initially enthusiastic people sign up, but are never heard from again.  I've known monitors to take on the expense to fill in what is missing, so no one goes without, and times when  members have said, "that's ok, don't worry about completing . . . just take care of yourself." 

Over the years there has at least once been a monitor who was enthusiastic, but was incapable of following though.  Many people were disappointed when they got no return for the fabric they sent in. 

Lets face it.  Many of us are at the age when something can go wrong with our health, our our family, and things fall apart.  Joining any of these group activities is a gamble, but generally with very good odds. Because quilters in general are very good people.

As you can see by the numbers of posts many have been around for years, and so some of us, through here and retreats have become good friends.   (The retreats are also put together by volunteers.)  And it is easier to forgive or excuse a long time friend when things don't go as expected.  Or to want to complete their row or block for exchange when you know you wont get a row or block in return.  A monitor has no way of forcing other members of a group to do something if they can't or don't want to.   Sometimes the monitors are simply the "middle man" passing on the decision of group members.

Obviously handling problems privately is the best way to go, but perhaps when that doesn't work, find one person you respect to help you resolve the issue.  Someone who has posted here a lot, or may be a friend who can moderate between you and the other person to resolve the problem. 

Avis, I hope this does not turn you against QCA altogether.  There is much to be enjoyed, and many friends to be made.

 

I find life easier just to assume everyone is doing their best, and I usually take no offense when something doesn't work out as planned.

Patti

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ls2116 replied on Thu, Feb 21 2013 12:57 AM

Hi .  Just been reading these posts Sorry  you have expressed a negative experience.  I've been a member almost a year and the site has been great experience for me the people are kind from my reading and experienced knowledge without end and so helpful.  I'm thinking back to when I started joining groups now.  I was cautiouse in which groups I would join and I'm sincerely talking about me,  take this for what its worth were all at different levels in skill I still will only take part in projects in my home.  Because I know there are real award winning artisans on this site.  I wouldn't want them to see my quilting up close because it would be deficient in quality standard.  Try a different group like mq8 or some small step. I did a swap once and something went wrong at post office but it would've not been life shattering if i didn't get my fabric.  Which I did get..  I don't know I hope this helps.

Quilting My Rainbow

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Barbara replied on Thu, Feb 21 2013 1:52 AM

Patti , thanks so much for your wonderful words and I hope that many will take them to heart. . this is a wonderful club ,and I have enjoyed my time here and have made and met some good people here. yes we are all volunteers on this site and we do make mistakes ,hopefully we can catch them and and learn from our mistakes. thanks for taking the time to express all of this so well .  Barbara

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Barbara replied on Thu, Feb 21 2013 1:56 AM

IS ,no one was more happy then I was that the PO  issue got straighten up and that you got your fabric. I hope this will not keep you from giving it a try again ,as this was a really rare occurance. thanks for your words of encouragement and  I'm thrilled you at least gave  it a try. Barbara

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Thea replied on Thu, Feb 21 2013 6:06 AM

MzA, I am so very sorry that you had a bad experience on here - This is the first RR that I have participated and I am in a wonderful group.  I did not know that any of these problems were going on - i hadn't read anything and am so sorry that this has happened to you.  If you would like to send your top to me once you get it back I would be honored to put a border on it for you.  

It is difficult as a moderator to get everything right every single time.  I am a moderator for the whole site and an owner of several groups on here - I know that some days it is very difficult to be gracious when you are slammed over and over by different members.  I am sure that this is just a big gltich in the road.  I know as a moderator I have had my feelings hurt over and over but some how I keep going... just as a general member I have been hurt and didn't understand why - but somehow we move on and I realized that I could take it - I have broad shoulders and a big heart and I pray a lot.

I am truly very sorry that you have such a bad experience though and as I said I would feel honored to put a border on your center and if you send it to me I will be glad to do so - we don't want anyone to feel bad here - As a quiltoholic and an enabler I want everyone to be happy.  

I am very happy for you that you got a new job during this horrific time in the USA it is wonderful to have a job.  I am very happy for you.  

Please give Candis a little bit of your understanding and know that this RR was a very difficult one for members - From what i have seen there were over 30 members involved and it did not move smoothly in the beginning - Candis has done a wonderful job and maybe you and she can talk and get over the hump of what has happend to you.  I know Barbara will work with you to help make the end of the experience of the RR great for you and the other members of your Group - I do not know who was in your Group but they may have decided that they didn't want to complete your center and Candis was just relaying their requests.

I really don't know anything about it but as an enabler and a person that wants everyone to be happy if there is anything I can do to ease your hurt feelings I will.  I have lifted you up in my prayers this morning.  Know that you are cared about and having worked with you during the last Secret Santa I know you are a very nice person.  Come and join my Christmas All Year Long Group and get some of our wonderful Heavenly feelings there...

And I am serious if you want to send your center to me when you get it back I will be more then glad to add a border to it.  And anyone in your Group that needs one more border put on because of your having had to drop out - I will add a border to theirs too.  

 

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MzA replied on Thu, Feb 21 2013 7:18 AM

Thank you to everyone for your responses good and bad.  I wasn't looking for sympathy and was truly just venting. A couple of toes got stepped on and that's unfortunate, but I also believe everything happens for a reason. If nothing else we should all be careful how we deal with others because you NEVER know what someone else is going thru in their life. I absolutely love quilting!! It has mentally gotten me thru a couple of rough spots in my life recently, namely being unemployed. As much as I would love to stay home and quilt all day every day, I can't because I have to work.  I felt like I was penalized for having a job and wanting to do well and that didn't sit well with me. So I felt the need to speak up.  

I hope there are lessons learned by everyone because of this.  I can only imagine what moderators go through dealing with so many different people. I just ask those who do try not to generalize and look at each situation separately, and most importantly don't judge.

Thea, thank you so much for your kind offer, but I'll just move on.

 

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