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Thea replied on Wed, Feb 6 2013 11:16 PM

I am home and trying to get some rest - much needed I will say - Mom is not doing good!  She was doing very well and then I was so sick on Monday I couldn't go and she got confused and they gave her a drug called Ativan - i was there yesterday and her mind was gone - I worked and worked with her - shed many tears and finally she knew who I was - I asked them not to give her the drug again and was assured they wouldn't - so today I arrived and she was back in that same state - she even bit one of the nurses... I asked to speak to the head nurse or her doctor - he has been no where to be found when I am there... Mom had absolutely no idea who I was again... her partial bridge and her ring had been taken off but no one knew by who - I can not put the bridge back in although she wanted it in - and she was unable to get her hands to work properly to do it... luckily I guess the two things just didn't get lost - I put her ring back on her and will take tape tomorrow to put on her finger with the words do not remove on them...

Anyway, the nurse finally came and told me that they had twice given her Ativan since I had asked them not to - she was agitated last night so they gave it to her then - I asked why they hadn't called me and the nurse told me well if you will stay here then she will have someone here but we can't do that - so I asked why they couldn't since I had been told that they could and that it was literally impossible for me to be there 24/7 to help them out that although I would like to be that physically that is an impossibility - we went round and round...finally I think she understtod that I have severe rheumatoid arthritis and unless they want to hospitalize me in the next room that I am no help to them except to calm her down when she gets agitated... so again they have told me they will call me if she gets upset - I told them I am 5 minutes away and that they should be able to hold off that long in giving her the medication - they asked what happens if it is 3 a.m. - I said you have my number...

My Bishop from my church is a nurse at the hospital and he became aware today that my Mom is there and came to see me - everything seemed to change after he was there - they are moving my Mother to a room right across from the nurses station so they can get to her faster if need be...

I am literally exhausted - my body really can not take being there right now - i am not fully recovered from the RA flare-up and am figuring a relapse is very close... plus there is a storm system coming through.  I am laying in my lazy boy - I have my clothes laid out on the ironing board right next to me - I am wrapped in electric blankets and the phone is next to me.  I am trying to stay as rested as possible.  I hurt so much though - it is so hard - when I am at the hospital she is sleeping and doesn't even know I am there... I sit in one of the most awful chairs and hurt but I keep trying... 

I ask that you hold my Mom up in prayer that they stop with the drugs and call me should they need me - and that she find her mind again and get through this.  It is going to be a long recovery.  

She hasn't eaten now for 2 days... so she needs to get an appetite back - she did eat on Sunday while I was there - ate very good - so I am so confused and upset that my body deceived me and i just couldn't go down on Monday - my Bishop said that it was nothing that I did but I still feel guilty.  he said this often happens and as we know she has had reality problems this year... but I was so hopeful

 

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Rhonnie replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 12:00 AM

Thea...

I am sorry. You shouldn't feel guilty you are a good person. You can only do so much and if you go down you are of no help to yourself or your mom. I would suggest if they give the meds to her again demand to speak to the DON and if that don't work talk to the administrator. They shouldn't give her meds to make her worse especially when your moments away. I would also call her doctor and speak to him to have the orders written to not give that med that causes her to be that way.

I hope you get some rest and take care of yourself (((huggles)))

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Rhonnie replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 12:02 AM

Thea...

Another idea post a sign above her bed "do not administer said medicine! Call me at 123-234-3456 immediately anytime day or night. Thank you"

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Sukochi replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 5:08 AM

Dear sweet Thea. I am so sorry for yet another hurdle for you to try to crwal over. Thank the Lord for your Bishop. Maybe things will change now. Of course, we are praying for you.

I am puzzled how they can legally give your Mom a drug that was NOT prescribed by her doctor. Call his office today and get this straightened. With his order, on record, that the drug is not to be administered, they will risk a lawsuit if they give it to her. Don't wait to catch him at the hospital, call him.

When you see her next, take that ring home. People are told not to have their jewelry in the hospital. It might just turn up missing....forever. I am thinking you mean a partial, not a bridge. That is cemented in.  A partial comes out. Jim's Mom went crazy when they took her glasses in the ICU ,once.

Now, Thea, REST. You must rest that body. Since you are so close to the hospital, come home, take regular breaks. Call on some Church friends to go sit with her for a time to give you a break. If you don't take care of YOU, it will just get harder. You can't be there all day. Not necessary.

Guilty, you? I beg to differ. Sweetheart, you have gone above and beyond, already. Do not feel bad about this. This to shall pass and she will be home. Just give it to God and do what you can, when you can.. We are here for you. We love you and know what you have done to help her. So, just thank God you are able to help her and only do what YOU physically can.

Sukochi

 

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Thea, I will keep you & your Mother in my prayers.  You need to take care of yourself too.

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Dawn replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 7:06 AM

Keeping you and your Mom in my prayers!  So sorry you have to go thru this.  Lean on the Lord and like Sukochi said, let others sit w/her and give yourself a break.  You are a fantastic daughter and your Mom loves you and is glad you are there for her.  It is terrible that the nurses, who are supposed to be helping, don't.  I will add the drs. and nurses to my prayers.  Please take care of yourself!

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Joyce replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 7:27 AM

Thea,  I'm so sorry for all you are going thru with your mom.  I was there almost 2 years ago with my mom, who at that lived 8 hrs. from me.  She also got out of bed.  They put a alarm on her bed and put chairs all around it.  I don't know how she was able to get out the same night after her hip surgery.  After a hospital stay they put her in a intensive rehab for a week then we brought her to live with us.  It was rough but she did get better.  She also has alzhimers and recently developed pneumonia from aspirating.  I have had to put her in a nursing home and I have to tell you it is killing me emotionally.  I go every day and a lot of those days she will say let's go home.  They are giving her ativan also and it does the same thing to her as it is doing to your mom.  She will be totally out of it.  They said the reason they are giving it to her is because she keeps getting up (which she can't walk much now from being weak I guess) and she falls. 

    I got upset one day and ask them ok what was she doing that you need to keep giving her something.  But then I have seen her also.  She screams at the staff or anyone that comes near her and she tries to hit them.  When I'm there she is calmer but like you I can't be there 24/7.  I'm only telling you all this to let you know that I understand what you are going thru and I'm praying for you and your mom.  I have back problems and just can't take care of my mom any longer and yet I feel so guilty it is making me sick.

Hope your day is better today,

Joyce

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Annette replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 7:46 AM

Thea and Joyce

You and your moms are both in my prayers and I send a big virtual hug to you both.     All I can offer is my sincere support and prayers.   Know you're not alone.    Keep the faith and take care of yourselves.

Annette

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Ginny replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 8:06 AM

Joyce, Please don't feel guilty that your Mom is in the nursing home.  They have many more people there to help her than you would at home, and at home you would be going thru this same thing, but alone.  You have done the best thing possible for both her and you.  I know it is difficult to see your Mom like this, but please don't feel guilty that you had to do this.    You are in my prayers.   Ginny

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Barbara replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 8:30 AM

Thea and Joyce ,your Mom's are both in my Prayers and Thea You are to . I wish I could explain to both of you the changes that a elderly person can have with a Fall ,hip breaking and surgery , It  does something to their system ,that just can't really be explained. they can become very confused even without the Ativan and can sometimes be harmful to themselves. Talk with the head floor nurse ,and your Doctors that you are not happy and you do not want this med given ,there are other meds out there they can use that may not be as hard on them , the dosage could be to high . I'm just trying to give suggestions for you to ask.It could be a combination of her meds that are not responding well to each other.  But neither one of you should feel guilty for something that is out of your control , You neither one caused this and all you can do is hope that your parent will respond well and try to comfort them as best you can. Thea you have to be your number one priority ,serioulsy if you don't get yourself well you will be the next one in hospital , Love to both of you and I pray this will get resolved quickly.

Liberty,Missouri

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Patti replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 8:33 AM

Joyce, for the health of your mother and you, you really made the right choice.  Sounds like she needs care around the clock, and that is one of the most important reasons for moving her to a more secure place, where more people are available to help her, and protect her.  This stage will not last.  A friend had to put her husband in a nursing home, because she was worn out, and it was seriously affecting her health.  After a few weeks, she brought him home for the weekend and he wanted to go back "home," to the nursing home and people he had become familiar with. 

 

Patti

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Ginny replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 8:54 AM

Thea, I am holding you and your Mom up in my prayers.  But would you please, please take care of yourself or you will be no good to anyone.  I know how difficult it is to have your Mom as confused as she is, and it could very well be the medication that is doing a lot of it, but some of the problem is with your Mom's age and the surgery and anesthesia she has been through and the fact that she is not where she is used to being.  It does sound like the ativan doesn't work for her either.  Perhaps there is something else she could have if she gets confused and agitated in the night.  You do need to call her Doc and lay it on the line about her meds. 

I know what you mean about the weather system coming thru to bother your RA , I am feeling it too.  Would it be possible for you to spend the night with your Mom to keep her calmer instead of going in the day time?  It might be worth a try.   All my best to you as you struggle thru this.     Ginny

 

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ls2116 replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 10:42 AM

Praying for Thea and her Mom also.  I wish you both a speedy recovery.

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Nana replied on Thu, Feb 7 2013 12:34 PM

Thea

I am sorry that you are going thru this.  It frequently happens with the elderly that they become extremely confused and sometimes even belligerent when they are in the hospital for more than a day or two.   The lack of routine and the different sounds and people seems to cause a break from reality.  It becomes very hard to manage. Sometimes they have to use drugs to keep the person from hurting themselves but then they can become more confused.   It is a horrible cycle with no good answers.   You need to take care of yourself.  You won't be any good for anyone if you don't.   Once your Mom's hip heals enough for her to be able to get out of the hospital the confusion will take care of itself.

Vinton, Virginia

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Thea,

My prayers are out for you and your Mom in this difficult time. Wishing you both the best in recovery and health.

 

Nana,

Thank you for adding this. It helps to understand this is a frequent phase that the elderly experience in hospitals.  Helps to know what to expect.  

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