Top 10 Posters

I'm struggling today . . . Cried myself to sleep last night.

Page 3 of 6 (83 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last » | RSS

rated by 0 users
This post has 82 Replies | 19 Followers

Top 500 Contributor
Female
Posts 223
Points 4,380

Thank you all for your caring and thoughtful words.  I will definitely go to the party . . . for my Dad.  I am just going to go and not let my siblings "win".  I don't want to stoop to their level of being rude and insensitive . . . I will continue on my own morals.

My mom always told me I was the sensitive one of the family . . . I have always wanted be part of a family and after my mom passed away I feel like I really don't have a family.  I think part of the disconnect I have with my siblings is because I don't have children and my DH and I are both disabled so we can't participate in some of the sport activities that my siblings do . . . but that certainly doesn't mean we can't have fun.  

When I got to know my Aunt in Chicago it gave me a new perspective on our lives.  She didn't have children . . . . we don't have children (not by choice).  As it turned out my Aunt and I had a lot more in common.  She had a lot of pain in her heart from all the years when we were children that my parents treated my Aunt much like my DB and DS are now treating me.  I can only hope that someday before I die that at least one of my nieces or nephew come around and want to get to know me like I got to know my Aunt. 

I cherish and value all of the friendships I have gained here on QCA.  

I am Christian . . . raised Episcopal . . . and in fact my Dad became an ordained minister in the church after he retired from him corporate job.  I LOVE the church that I grew up in and haven't found the same thing in Illinois.  But even if we don't have a Church to express our love to God, we do live with Christ is our hearts and His lessons in our daily living.

 

Kristin Lee WICKMAN Albrecht  

(I'm a WICKMAN . . . Don't let anybody tell you any different)

 

 

  • | Post Points: 80
Top 150 Contributor
Female
Posts 703
Points 11,570
Bev replied on Wed, Jan 2 2013 9:42 PM

That a girl, Kristen!!  Keep that attitude and have a good time and enjoy the trip whether you are driving or flying,think of it also as a mini vacation. Maybe there will be a few quilt shops you can visit.

  from TN

 

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 500 Contributor
Female
Posts 289
Points 4,460

gini:

hang in there kristin,  you have a lot of friends here.   you can't pick your family, but you don't have to love them or spend time with them.   we finally stepped back from my MIL and  have regrets for how pathetic a mother and grandmother she is, but no regrets that there is no contact.

this is what my aunt and i do.  when you meet someone or have a family member they get written on  our mind's chalkboard.  when an individual steps over the line of being a good citizen or friend,  they get erased, i dust off my hands and go on with my life.  you have to decide where that line is, but  when they are erased, they are gone. i can be in the same room with them, converse with them,  smile even,  but they are gone-gone, long-gone, and  permanently -gone from my chalkboard.

 i can tell when auntie is talking with one of her erasures, she gets kind of a blank look and a weird smile like she has a private joke she isn't going to share. 

Gini, you are so wise.  I love the chalkboard and eraser idea.     We only have this one time on this beautuful planet.  I want to enjoy every minute  not wasting one second on things we can not change or control.  There are so many lovely options.  God is good, Kristin.I am a daddy's girl, so I say hug your dad and be there for him :-)

MN Deb

 

 

MN Deb 

We have

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,727
Points 437,060
Nana replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 1:18 AM

Oh no Gini.... I have seen that blank look and weird smile when you are talking with me.   Have I been erased????? 

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 35
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 3,577
Points 51,695
Ginny replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 7:38 AM

Kristin,  your attitude is wonderful.  what you have expressed  was hard to hear ,but you have taken the right attitude about the situation, and about your life.   May the Lord bless you in your decisions.    Ginny

 

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 6,401
Points 119,611
Patti replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 8:05 AM

God bless you Kristin.  There was a time in a new job where it looked like I was going to be involved in testifying for a law suit against the company.  My boss came to me and told me, the only thing that mattered is what I God would want of me, and that was to tell the truth. 

Do as the Lord leads you and that is what matters. In comparison, the opinions of others don't really matter.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 200 Contributor
Female
Posts 379
Points 5,100
Annette replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 8:26 AM

Hi Kristin

First off - you're definitely not alone.  My 2 younger sisters out right told me after my mom's death (Dad died when we were kids) that I was no longer welcome or considered part of the family.   I'm the one out-of-state (moved 8 hrs away after college) and wasn't even called when mom had her heart attack and was hospitalized.   They only bothered after she died.   I haven't had any contact with any relative in over 20 yrs.   I have nieces/nephews whom I've never met.   I went thru a long period of grief and depression and 'why-are-they-treating-me-this-way' blues.   We weren't always the closest as kids but I tried as an older teen/adult (they were in my wedding party, but I wasn't in theirs;   one sister lived with me for almost a yr while she looked for work;  tried occassional phone calls;  took trips home to visit; tried to include them in events; etc).  

I've eventually come to peace with being 'family-less' (beyond my kids), but it took a long time.   The important thing for you is your relationship with your father.   Go to his 80th, spend time with him, cherish the memories with him.   Remember your time with him.   If he is the only one there who wants to see you, he is the only one who matters.

If your brother and sister want to complain, don't let them get you down or ruin your time with your father.   If other people/relatives want to believe them/their stories and not bother talking to you/supporting you - let it go and politely turn away.   Negativity is not healthy and dwelling on what you can't change does you no good.   The only people that matter are the ones that are willing to talk to you/spend time with you/care about whether their words/actions hurt you.   A stranger who gives a smile in passing is worth far more than a relative who won't acknowledge you.   

God loves you.   We love you.   Your household and friends love you.   You are not alone.

Annette

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 9,443
Points 127,624

Hang in there Kristin... I agree with what others have said about just getting on with your life, you cannot force them to even be civil, it is in God's hands.

Life is like a quilt...bits & pieces, joy & sorrow, stitched with love

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 500 Contributor
Female
Posts 121
Points 1,355
Ninette replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 10:36 AM

Kristin, llorar es bueno, deja huellas de bondad, limpia el alma y embellece la mirada.  Da gracias y sigue adelante siendo tu, ama a Dios y a tu esposo, tu familia son las personas que comparten contigo todos los días y te quieren como eres.  A veces tenemos que vivir un mal momento, pero solo es un momento lo importante es que todos los días tengas una sonrisa para ti.  Ninette

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 50 Contributor
Female
Posts 2,484
Points 43,625
Vivian replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 10:45 AM

Kristen the hard part is you can't make people like you and the harder you try the more they resist.  Be the best YOU you can be and what is, is.  Everyone wants a loving family and to have everyone love them but it dose'n't always happen. 

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 50 Contributor
Posts 2,831
Points 39,995
ls2116 replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 4:02 PM

Kristen I haven't read all yet but I get over loaded with love by sibs its always the critism form you know the why don't you lose weight excercise put on makeup watch that on tv  waste your time quilting clutter your house with knick knacks ... the list goes on i've learned not to dwell and start filtering .  Good luck on your situation.

Quilting My Rainbow

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 75 Contributor
Female
Posts 1,578
Points 23,965
Susie replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 5:26 PM

Hugs, Kristin!  Just hang in there and know that you are there for your dad and not the rest of them.  That's what I've had to do with family get togethers and our very disfunctional family.

 

Chicagoland, Illinois

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 75 Contributor
Female
Posts 1,131
Points 28,645
Wendy replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 5:47 PM

Nana:

Oh no Gini.... I have seen that blank look and weird smile when you are talking with me.   Have I been erased????? 

Thats funny Nana ROFLOL  I also have seen that look.

 

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 75 Contributor
Female
Posts 1,131
Points 28,645
Wendy replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 5:51 PM

Wendy :
blank look and weird smile

I always thought that was her "are you for real" look. This puts a whole new light on the look.

 

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 75 Contributor
Female
Posts 1,131
Points 28,645
Wendy replied on Thu, Jan 3 2013 5:56 PM

Kristin,

Sometimes I feel that mine and my husbands family invented disfunctionality. I could not even begin to tell the stories over the last 38 years. They would give every one the heebi geebies. 

turn it all over to God and live your life.

 

  • | Post Points: 5
Page 3 of 6 (83 items) < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last » | RSS
Have a Question? | About Us | Privacy Policy | Join Today © 2014 F+W All rights reserved.
By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use