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Ginny Posted: Tue, Sep 25 2012 8:38 PM

This has been a tough week.  I've been without my computer for the past week.  It is in for help.  It forgot how to work the on button when I press it.  Now I have hooked up my old computer to use until my baby comes home.

This has been a really tough week for me.  Feeling rather depressed and haven't been able to get an appointment with my Dr.  Guess I sounded needy enough this afternoon when I called her.  They can get me in Thursday.  Still having effects of my hernia surgery bothering me.  It should be better by now. 

This afternoon, I went on facebook and my daughter in Oregon left a message that her SO is having a  great deal of difficulty.  He is dying of liver cancer (effects of agent orange)  She feels he is giving up, but I believe he is just plain worn out to the end with having to breathe with the ascites fluid buildup.  He is getting very weak.  The hospice nurse was there this afternoon and apparently he doesn't want his medicine any longer, which happens near the end of a cancer patients life.  But my daughter is all alone with him there, without support from anyone.  I want to be with her but the trip would be by rail from Michigan to Pascoe ,Washington.  There is a problem with finding the funds right now.  I am still awaiting my lawsuit money.  I don't know if I should go there now or go later when she has to drive back to Michigan after he passes.  I need to call her back in a little while to see what she thinks.  I know, I know- she wants her Mommy through everything, but I don't know if I am physically able yet. Thanks everyone for letting me voice my concerns.    Ginny

 

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Nana replied on Tue, Sep 25 2012 10:58 PM

Ginny

I am so sorry for your DD.  That is a rough position to be in.  It is so hard to be the loved one and withhold treatment.   I think the family member that is going to help with care in this instince has to be a very strong person and agreeable to the decision for palliative care only.   I have been in that situation 3 times now and it just ain't easy.... and I was onboard for comfort measures only.  But you sure do alot of second guessing yourself and the guilts slip up on you at the most unexpected times.   The family will be in my prayers.

Vinton, Virginia

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Barb S replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 1:13 AM

Dear Ginny -- I don't know you, but your message touched my heart.  I know what it is to want to be there for your daughter -- but finances and reason say -- it just may not be possible.  

By now you have talked to your daughter and I hope she understands -- you have to let your surgery heal -- and you want to be able to go to her when you can actually help -- in a tangible way.  In the meantime, just let her know that she is in your heart, thoughts and prayers. I don't think there is anything harder than watching someone you love suffer and slip away.  She will need your strength and love to get her through.

Take care of yourself, Ginny, get well, get strong and then you will be ready when she needs you.  You are in my prayers.

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Barbara replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 8:49 AM

Ginny ,My Thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family. We are here if you need us. Barbara

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 10:30 AM

Thank you Barbara S. for  your kind thoughts and prayers regarding my situation.  I must be much worse off than I thought, I went to my Dr this morning and they asked me why I was there, my appointment is for tomorrow.  I told her that I thought today was Thursday.  Oh my, I think I better get my act together.  Can we start the day over please?    Ginny

 

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 10:40 AM

Thanks Nana for your kind thoughts and prayers.  Yes, I know what you mean about second guessing yourself regarding the care.  I just hte for her to be there by herself to go through this..    Ginny

 

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 10:53 AM

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers ,Barbara.  It means a lot when people care.    Ginny

 

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Marie replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 11:34 AM

Ginny, so sorry for your problems, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your DD.  You need to heal before you can help her physically.  Just be in touch with her as often as you can and let her know your there for her, if not in body but in mind.  Surely she'll understand.  God Bless.  (((((HUGS)))))

Millbury, MA

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 11:50 AM

Thank you Marie.  YOU guys are great when someone needs to put things in perspective.  You are right, I am not yet up to the trip, but oh how I want to now with the beautiful fall colors out.  When I talked to her late last night, she was formulating things in her mind and had some good ideas.  She may not be able to drive back here to Michigan if the snows start coming, until spring.  She seems comfortable with that right now. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, they help us keep things in a realistic perspective.   Ginny

 

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Donna replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 2:11 PM

Ginny,  I'm saddened by the pain your daughter and her SO are experiencing.  As tough as it will be for her, I hope she will adjust to letting him go.  I don't doubt that logically she knows it will be better for him. That doesn't make it any easier for those left behind.

I'm sorry that Southern Oregon is too for away for me to just go see them.  I do however offer my prayers for them  both... and for you.   I don't know them, but God does.  Just let her know she's not really alone.

Perhaps she can contact a local church or community organization that will be available for her.   It's okay to look for emotional support during such a trying and difficult time.  Donna in Oregon

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gini replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 2:58 PM

ginny  i'm sorry to hear your family is going through a tough time right now.

gini in north idaho

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 3:13 PM

Thanks for your thoughts Donna.  You know I have questioned her about available help, but haven't gotten too far.  They live in northeast Oregon and it has a heavy hispanic population where they are.  She doesn't seem to think she can get too far as the only church is hispanic oriented.  It is a very small town on the Columbia River, but she is leaning on the hospice nurse heavily.  Both of them are as comfotable as can be with the given situation.  They have been doing a lot of praying and Mike is ready to go Home to the other side, where he knows family is waiting for him there.  His family where he lives now has not welcomed him into their arms as he had hoped they would, but that is another story.  Just pray for them as they are doing this pretty much on their own right now.  He has given her written authority to take care of all his needs and possessions and decisions following his passing.  

One bright thing is that Mike's sister wants my daughter to bring his ashes to Alabama to be spread on one of the beaches there and she will pay for my daughter to bring his ashes there.  He knows where his final resting place is to be and he is at great peace with that.     Ginny

 

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 3:24 PM

Thanks Gini.  It is tough because I want very much to be there to help them through this, but it doesn't appear that I can do that yet.  You would think that if I could spend all day on the back of a Harley that I should be up to going out there, but I have had somewhat of a slip back in my recovery.  I'll be so glad to gt to the Dr tomorrow to see if it is something else that is the problem that can be dealt with quickly.   Ginny

 

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Sukochi replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 3:40 PM

The Lord is our support system..  My prayers and love are with you. And so is our dear, loving, Lord.

Has she tried an online grief support group?. I bet there is one. Or what abou t a bigger town close by. Is there none? You would think that Hospice could send her in the right direction for that.  I never heard of a town with only one Church. My land, in Ellijay, we have all sorts and a Baptist Church on each corner. Even in the mountains where there are not that many living.

Sukochi

 

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Ginny replied on Wed, Sep 26 2012 4:01 PM

She does have some friends online, but frankly the mountains of oregon don't have an English speaking baptist church on every corner like they do down there in the bible belt.  Even for them to go to the dalles where there is a cancer center is nearly 100 miles away.   You remember seeing the beautiful mountains out west there.  They are much larger than the mountains down south. 

The kids have lived in Boardman for nearly 5 years without transportation.  They have only had a vehicle for about 4 months.  It kind of cuts you off from many things and now Mike's condition doesn't allow for looking  about.     Just keep them in your prayers for a peaceful and easy transition for both of them.   Ginny

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