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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

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kim replied on Fri, Mar 8 2013 6:19 AM | Locked
SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
... DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

 

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Kris replied on Fri, Mar 8 2013 7:57 PM | Locked

A very poignant reminder Kim. Time is a precious commodity.

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ls2116 replied on Fri, Mar 8 2013 8:30 PM | Locked

Kim Thank you so much for that.  I look at quilting as my mission in life and often feel that let family time slip. I guess I should start organising my time better

Quilting My Rainbow

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gini replied on Sun, Mar 10 2013 9:34 PM | Locked

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 
'Twelve thirty.'



Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' 
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'



A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

 

gini in north idaho

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gini replied on Sun, Mar 10 2013 9:51 PM | Locked

 

35 STATES AND COUNTING
Found this interesting, Children of congress members do not have to pay back their college student loans. How nice! 

Monday on Fox news, they learned that the staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans. This will get national attention if other news networks will broadcast it. When you add this to the below, just where will all of it stop? 

35 States file lawsuit against the Federal Government 

Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention. 

This will take less than thirty seconds to read. If you agree, please pass it on. 

This is an idea that we should address. 

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform... In all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop. 

If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around. 

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States ." 


gini in north idaho

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Marie replied on Sun, Mar 10 2013 10:53 PM | Locked

Good ones, Gini!

Millbury, MA

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Marie replied on Sun, Mar 10 2013 10:54 PM | Locked

Gini, I'm passing this along.

Millbury, MA

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gini replied on Sun, Mar 10 2013 11:40 PM | Locked

 

 

$5.37!

That's what 

the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my 

pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to 

be a Jolly Rancher.

Having already 

handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to 

grab some change

when the kid 

with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.

He said, 

"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

 

I turned to 

see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the 

counter in front of me .

"Only $4.68 

he said cheerfully.

 

I stood there 

stupefied. I am 69, not even 70 yet?

A mere child!

Senior 

citizen?

 

I took my 

burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.

Was he blind?

As I sat in 

the truck, my blood began to boil .

Old? Me?

 

I'll show him, 

I thought.

I opened the 

door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter,

and there he 

was waiting with a smile.

 

Before I could 

say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me,

like I could 

be that easily distracted!

What am I now?

A toddler?

 

"Dude! 

Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with 

utter disdain at the keys.

I began to 

rationalize in my mind!

 

"Leaving 

keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!

It could 

happen to anyone!"

 

I turned and 

headed back to the truck.

I slipped the 

key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.

What now?

I checked my 

keys and tried another.

Still nothing.

 

That's when I 

noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

I had no 

purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

 

Then, a few 

other objects came into focus:

The car seat 

in the back seat.

Happy Meal 

toys spread all over the floorboard.

A partially 

eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

 

Faster than 

you can say ginkgo biloba , I flew out of the alien 

vehicle.

 

Moments later 

I was speeding out of the parking lot,

relieved to 

finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.

That is when I 

felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!

My stomach 

growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,

only it was 

nowhere to be found.

 

I swung the 

truck around, gathered my courage,

and strode 

back into the restaurant one final time.

There Elmo 

stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.

All I could 

think was, "What is the world coming to?"

 

All I could 

say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?

At this point 

I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,

and then go 

straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

 

Elmo had no 

clue.

I walked back 

out to the truck,

and suddenly a 

young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.

He was holding 

up a drink and a bag.

His mother 

explained,

"I think 

you left this in my truck by mistake."

 

I took the 

food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

 

She offered 

these kind words:

"It's OK. 

My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

 

All of this is 

to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.

Yessss 

, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.

And no, I told 

the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

 

As I walked in 

the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.

I handed her a 

bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.

I promptly sat 

in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey .

 

The good news 

was that I had successfully found my way home.

 

Pass this 

on to the other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have fun 

laughing, too).

 

Notice the 

larger type?

That's for 

those of us who have trouble reading.

 

P.S. Save the 

earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate !!!!!

Oh, did I send 

this to you already? Sorry. I hope you liked it again for the first 

time, like I did.

 

gini in north idaho

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Kris replied on Mon, Mar 11 2013 12:20 AM | Locked

Good ones Gini.

What happened to you avatar photo?

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gini replied on Mon, Mar 11 2013 12:30 AM | Locked

i don't know.   nancy sent me a picture in my e-mail, that i was supposed to put in my avatar, and obviously i am not able to get it in the right spot.    i may need her to put  it in a PM to me so i can transfer it.  i'll work on it tomorrow. oh for the brain of a twelve year old where all this stuff is intuitive. 

gini in north idaho

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Ginny replied on Mon, Mar 11 2013 8:36 AM | Locked

Gini,  So, so funny!  You had me choking on my coffee.   Got it all over my new mug rug that I was using for the first time,  but it was worth it.   ROFLMAO     Ginny

 

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gini replied on Mon, Mar 11 2013 9:05 PM | Locked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTEMRo-IcGk

 

for all you puppy lovers

gini in north idaho

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Marie replied on Tue, Mar 12 2013 10:35 AM | Locked

That was cute Gini!  Can't wait to hear Tyler laugh like that!

Millbury, MA

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gini replied on Wed, Mar 13 2013 8:11 PM | Locked

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. 

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" 

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. 

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ... 

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." 

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. 

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. 

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" 

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" 

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. 

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" 

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

gini in north idaho

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Nana replied on Wed, Mar 13 2013 8:36 PM | Locked

gini

You are really on a roll today.   And I love your new avatar pic.  Great smile and love those shades.

Vinton, Virginia

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