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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

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Marie replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 12:07 PM | Locked

 

IRISH  OR  ITALIAN ...
 
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola,
whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways.  In the same year
Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through
their senior year in high school.  They took their vows to enter the
priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally
acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above
Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally
Cardinal was swift to say the least and the Catholic world knew
that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who
would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the
chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn
that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope !

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise.  He was devastated,
because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew
he was just a bit better qualified.

With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for
a private session with them in which he candidly asked:
"Why Timothy ?"

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man
and rose to reply.

"We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear
the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church
being called POPE SE-COLA ! 
*You know you're going to pass it on to Catholic and non-Catholic friends alike !*

Millbury, MA

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Bonita replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 12:15 PM | Locked

 POPE SE-COLA !

Thanks for the laugh today Marie.

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Kris replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 12:29 PM | Locked

LOL Marie.

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Marie replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 1:38 PM | Locked


Subject: FW: Two Female parrots
 
 
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,  "Father, I have a problem.  I have two female parrots,  But they only know to say one thing."
    
"What do they say?" the priest asked.
    
They say,  "Hi, we're hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?"
    
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed,
    
Then he thought for a moment.  "You know," he said,  "I may have a solution to your problem.  I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.  Bring your two  parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.  My parrots can  teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
    
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
    
The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.  As he ushered her in she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.  Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.  After a few minutes the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?"
    
There was stunned silence.  Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,  "Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"
 
 
 

Millbury, MA

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Ginny replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 2:45 PM | Locked

Marie,  Your jokes are cracking me up today.  Laughed so hard at the parrots that I started to choke . -----oh my!      Ginny

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Nana replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 2:57 PM | Locked

Mare

 You are on a roll today.   ROFLOL

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Marie replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 2:58 PM | Locked

Ginny:

Marie,  Your jokes are cracking me up today.  Laughed so hard at the parrots that I started to choke . -----oh my!      Ginny

Ginny, I love to make people laugh like that, laughter is good for the soul!

Millbury, MA

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Tue, Jan 29 2013 4:31 PM | Locked

Good ones Marie

Marge (AKA Dimples)

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gini replied on Wed, Jan 30 2013 2:03 AM | Locked

good ones marie

gini in north idaho

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Patti replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 2:17 AM | Locked

 

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL LESSON IN LIFE AND LONGEVITY.

Be nice to others because... Time WILL make a difference!




One day you will no longer be the big dog...
 
Just the old dog...

And my friend,
 

WE are now the old dogs.

HOWEVER, OLD DOG IS BETTER THAN DOG-GONE.

Patti

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Patti replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 2:19 AM | Locked

 

 
 
 
 

YIKES!!



 One Hungry Little Mouse




The extraordinary scene was captured by photography student Casey Gutteridge at the Santiago Rare Leopard Project. The student was photographing the leopard for a course project, & was astounded by the mouse's behaviour.

He said: 'I have no idea where the mouse came from - he just appeared in the enclosure after the keeper had dropped in the meat for the leopard. He didn't take any notice of the leopard, just went straight over to the meat and started feeding himself.
'

'But the leopard was pretty surprised - she bent down and sniffed the mouse and flinched a bit like she was scared. In the meantime the mouse just carried on eating like nothing had happened.



Even a gentle shove does not deter the little creature from getting his fill... 'It was amazing, even the keeper who had thrown the meat into the enclosure was shocked - he said he'd never seen anything like it before.'

Project owner Jackie James added: 'It was so funny to see - Sheena batted the mouse a couple of times to try to get it away from her food.' But the determined little thing took no notice and just carried on.'

Sheena was brought in to the Santiago Rare Leopard Project from a UK zoo when she was just four months old. The African Leopard can be found in the continent's forests, grasslands, savannas, and rainforests.



....so the mouse continued to eat the leopard's lunch and show the leopard who was the boss. Just proves no one can push you around without your permission.


Patti

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Ramona replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 11:28 AM | Locked

A little long and I'm only 60 but can absolutely relate.....

> Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)
>
> Read it all the way through! It's a good
> laugh! AND really quite true!!
>
> A good laugh for people in the over 70 group !!!
>
> When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about
> the 30-year business I ran with 1800
> employees, all without a cell phone that plays
> music, takes videos, pictures and communicates
> with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under
> duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven
> kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2
> great grand kids could communicate with me in
> the modern way. I figured I could handle
> something as simple as Twitter with only 140
> characters of space.
>
> That was before one of my grandkids hooked me
> up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon,
> Tweetie and Twitterific, Tweetdeck, Twitpix
> and something that sends every message to my
> cell phone and every other program within the
> texting World.
>
> My phone was beeping every three minutes with
> the details of everything except the bowel
> movements of the entire next generation. I am
> not ready to live like this. I keep my cell
> phone in the garage in my golf bag.
>
> The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday
> because they say I get lost every now and then
> going over to the grocery store or library. I
> keep that in a box under my tool bench with
> the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed
> to use when I drive. I wore it once and was
> standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking
> to my wife and everyone within 50 yards was
> glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid
> out to use it, and I got a little loud.
>
> I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash
> board, but the lady inside that gadget was the
> most annoying and
> rudest person I had run into in a long time.
> Every 10 minutes she would sarcastically say,
> "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she
> could be nicer. It was like she could barely
> tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh
> and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next
> light. Then if I made a right turn instead.
> Well, it was not a good relationship...
> When I get really lost now, I call my wife and
> tell her the name of the cross streets and,
> while she is starting to develop the same tone
> as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
>
> To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to
> learn how to use the cordless phones in our
> house. We have had them for 4 years, but I
> still haven't figured out how I lose three
> phones all at once and have to run around
> digging under chair cushions, checking
> bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when
> the phone rings.
>
> The world is just getting too complex for me.
> They even mess me up every time I go to the
> grocery store. You would think they could
> settle on something themselves but this sudden
> "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out
> just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of
> those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking
> confused, but I never remember to take them
> with me.
>
> Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me,
> "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "It doesn't
> matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's
> their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I
> was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No,
> but I do fart a lot."
>
> P.S. I know some of you are not over 70. I
> sent it to you to allow you to forward it to
> those who are.
>
>
> We senior citizens don't need anymore gadgets.
> The TV remote and the garage door remote are
> about all we can handle.

Well, after reading this, we can't leave out gadgets like sewing machines, embroidery machines and QUILTING MACHINES!!

 

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Nana replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 11:35 AM | Locked

Ramona

Too cute and I can relate....LOL

Vinton, Virginia

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Rhonnie replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 1:04 PM | Locked

Ramona.....I have had to change clothes and do laundry thanks to you this morning. I have to say I have read it to others and even laughed harder the 2nd and 3rd time around.

I'm a material girl....Want to see my fabric collection?

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Ramona replied on Thu, Jan 31 2013 4:06 PM | Locked

Marie, I'm dying over here!  Thanks for the laughs

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