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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

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Marie replied on Sun, Jan 6 2013 2:19 PM | Locked

Don’t drink and drive over the holidays or the police
may use this sobriety test on you!
Check out the new sobriety test .... Click below.
 
 

Millbury, MA

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Nana replied on Sun, Jan 6 2013 5:32 PM | Locked

Oh gosh Marie.  I would have my feet tangled together and fall on my face....ROFLOL

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Marie replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 7:44 AM | Locked

Me too, Nana.

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Marie replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 2:35 PM | Locked

Subject: Fwd: Hear a Pin Drop?





I've received this before, but it is worth reading again....

-




JFK'S
Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when
DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US
military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded,

"Does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaulle
did not respond.

You
could have heard a pin drop.





When in England ,

at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the
Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of
'empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying,

"Over the years, the United States has sent many of
its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom
beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for
in return is enough to bury those that did not
return."

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


There was a conference in France

where a number of international engineers
were taking part, including French and American. During a break,
one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, "Have you
heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft
carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he
intend to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer

stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are
nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to
shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to
feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand
gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a
dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and
from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships;

how many does France have?"

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A U.S. Navy Admiral

was attending a naval conference that included
Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French
Navies At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large
group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a
French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that
we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than
speaking French?"


Without hesitating,

the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the
Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't
have to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...


Robert Whiting,

an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport

in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting

admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said,

"The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible..
Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The American senior

gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in
1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen
to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



If you are proud to be an American, pass this on! If not, delete it.







I am proud to be of this land, GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Millbury, MA

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Spudgrandma replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 2:51 PM | Locked

Nana:

Oh gosh Marie.  I would have my feet tangled together and fall on my face....ROFLOL

Me too Nana, I could not do that stone cold sober :)

Life is like a quilt...bits & pieces, joy & sorrow, stitched with love

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Kris replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 5:29 PM | Locked

Marie:
Don’t drink and drive over the holidays or the police
may use this sobriety test on you!
Check out the new sobriety test .... Click below.
 

Oh my. I can pass that test.

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Patti replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 7:02 PM | Locked

Ah Marie, I loved reading that.  Yes, I will pass it on. Thanks

Patti

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Nana replied on Mon, Jan 7 2013 7:08 PM | Locked

Marie

I loved each of these stories.  Thanks for sharing.

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Marie replied on Tue, Jan 8 2013 11:55 AM | Locked

Kris, drunk or sober?  Maybe both?     :  )

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Kris replied on Wed, Jan 9 2013 12:58 AM | Locked

Marie:

Kris, drunk or sober?  Maybe both?     :  )

Don't know Marie, I've never been drunk. High maybe...LOL

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Marie replied on Thu, Jan 10 2013 12:18 PM | Locked

I should've said high, tipsy, feeling no pain, hammered, etc.  Drunk was a poor choice of word.  Hammered might be as well.  Sorry Kris.

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Marie replied on Thu, Jan 10 2013 12:33 PM | Locked

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. 
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' 
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' 
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. 

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..' 
If this comes through I'll be surprised but here goes.



He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. 


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. 

This happens several weeks in a row 

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
 

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' 


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. 

She's married; so we can't go to her house.
 

I'm married; and we can't go to my house. 

The Holiday Inn charges $98. 

The Hilton charges $139. 

We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7. 

Millbury, MA

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Marie replied on Thu, Jan 10 2013 12:34 PM | Locked

Well, I guess no one is watching the store!

Millbury, MA

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ls2116 replied on Thu, Jan 10 2013 12:43 PM | Locked

Oh Marie you gave me a belly laugh!  

Quilting My Rainbow

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Nana replied on Thu, Jan 10 2013 1:17 PM | Locked

Marie

Thanks for the laughs...

Vinton, Virginia

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