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Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

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barbjahay replied on Fri, Oct 19 2012 3:23 PM | Locked

Loved the deer crossing!!! She must be a blonde from the city. Being a blonde and living in the country we watch for deer anywhere, 24-7, We know the places they are most likey to run out into the road and always drive more alert. We have large metal grill guards on all our pickups for this reason. There is a game  reserve near us, hunting season will be open soon.. The deer are up here in our hills hiding. I can tell you several deer stories but thats another day. You gotta watch out for those OKIE deer, they have tough hides. bj

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Ramona replied on Fri, Oct 19 2012 5:28 PM | Locked

Love the deer crossing!  I also listened to the follow-up call she made. Donna has now been informed.

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Sun, Oct 21 2012 11:02 AM | Locked


10 Things I know about you...

1) U are reading this

2) U are human.

3) U can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips

4) U just attempted to do it

6) U are laughing at yourself

7) U have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5

8) U just checked to see if there is a No.5

9) U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone else does it, too.

10) U are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it

Marge (AKA Dimples)

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Cindy replied on Sun, Oct 21 2012 1:34 PM | Locked

Loved it, Marge, so much so I passed it along.

Cindy

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gini replied on Sun, Oct 21 2012 10:30 PM | Locked

good one marge

gini in north idaho

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ls2116 replied on Sun, Oct 21 2012 11:06 PM | Locked

I think that was the first smile i've made all day Marge.

Quilting My Rainbow

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 9:46 PM | Locked


The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'



Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'


OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'


Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'


A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.


The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.


The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..



Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.



Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.



The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.



After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.



So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'



Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Marge (AKA Dimples)

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Marge (AKA Dimples) replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 9:51 PM | Locked
 
THE TOILET SEAT
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out.  After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower.  Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.  As she tried to
stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
 
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.  Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.


The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this).
 
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well,  Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".
 
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...
 

I just never saw one mounted and framed."

Marge (AKA Dimples)

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Mimi replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 10:52 PM | Locked

Marge, I just laughed so hard I just about had tears running down my leg.  Hope I make it to being married 60 years. Maybe they'll have something better than electric fences by then.  LOL

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gini replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 11:29 PM | Locked

marge, you bad,       thanks for the laughs

gini in north idaho

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Patti replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 11:34 PM | Locked

Marge, you should warn us to swallow our beverage first.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

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Debbie-do replied on Mon, Oct 22 2012 11:45 PM | Locked

Must... .have... chocolate!

 

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Ms MoomMist replied on Tue, Oct 23 2012 6:28 AM | Locked

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

too, too funny! love it.


 

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Nana replied on Tue, Oct 23 2012 9:32 AM | Locked

Marge

Hilarious.  Thanks for the laugh.

Vinton, Virginia

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Marie replied on Tue, Oct 23 2012 9:39 AM | Locked

Two good one's Marge, too funny!

Millbury, MA

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