Top 10 Posters

Joke/Inspiration of the Day #2

Page 18 of 59 (879 items) « First ... < Previous 16 17 18 19 20 Next > ... Last » | RSS

rated by 0 users
This post has 878 Replies | 28 Followers

Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 13,452
Points 176,408
Marie replied on Sun, Oct 14 2012 10:24 AM | Locked

After forty years of marriage, a couple was celebrating their 40th anniversary in a quiet, romantic restaurant.
 
Suddenly, a fairy appeared at their table.
 
She said, 'For being such a loving married couple and being faithful to each other all these years, I will grant each of you one wish.'
 
The woman exclaimed, 'I would love to travel around the world with my husband.'
 
So, the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... two tickets for the Queen Mary II landed in her hands.
 
The husband thought about it for several minutes before he finally said, 'Well, that's very romantic, but an opportunity like this will probably never come again. Sorry, my love, but my wish is to have a wife 40 years younger than me.'
 
His wife was devastated, but a wish is a wish!
 
So, the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 94 years old.
 
The moral of the story is that men who are ungrateful should remember that fairies are females!

Millbury, MA

  • | Post Points: 65
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 13,452
Points 176,408
Marie replied on Sun, Oct 14 2012 10:25 AM | Locked

Good one Barbara!

Millbury, MA

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 19,778
Points 248,014
Barbara replied on Sun, Oct 14 2012 10:27 AM | Locked

Marie that was a good one to. Barbara

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 6,399
Points 119,601
Patti replied on Sun, Oct 14 2012 10:37 AM | Locked

I cleaned up the language, but you get the idea:

Montana Diary

Aug 12:  Moved to our new home in Montana.  It is so beautiful here.  The mountains are so serene and picturesque.  Can hardly wait to see them with a covering of snow.  God's country..  I love it here.

Oct 14:  Montana is the most beautiful place on earth.  The leaves are turning all different colors.  I love the different colors.   I love the shades of red and orange.  Went for a ride through some beautiful mountains and spotted some deer.  They are so graceful.  Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth.  This must be paradise - I love it here.

Nov. 11:  Deer season will start soon.  I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such elegant creatures.  The very symbols of peace and tranquility.  Hope it will snow soon.  I love it here.

Dec 2:  It snowed last night.  Woke up to find everything blanketed with white.  It looks like a postcard.  We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway.  We had a snowball fight. (I won), and when the snow plow came by we had to shovel the driveway again.  What a beautiful place.  Mother Waturo in perfect harmony.  I love Montana.

Dec 19:  More snow last night.  Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time.  I'm exhausted from shoveling.  I need a plow.

Dec 22:  More of the white crap fell last night.  I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling.  I think the snow plow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway.  Ass hole.  They should use more salt to melt the ice on the roads.

Dec 25:  "White Christmas" my busted ass.  More of the frigging snow.  If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-gun who drives the snow plow, I swear I'd castrate the dumb ***.  Don't know why they don't use more salt to melt the friggin ice.

Dec. 28:  More white *** last night.  Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway after "Snow  Plow  Harry" comes by every time.  Can't go anywhere; car's buried in a mountain of white.  The weather man says to expect another 10" of this crap tonight.  Do you know how many shovelfulls of snow that is?

Jan1:  Happy Friggin New Year.  The weatherman was wrong again.  We got 34" of the white crap this time.  At  this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July.  The snow plow got stuck up the road and the *** driver had the balls to come to the door to borrow my shovel.  I told him that I've broken 6 shovels already from shoveling the crap he's pushed into my driveway.  I broke the last one over his friggin head.

Jan. 4:  Finally got out of the house today.  I went to the store to get food and on the way back, a **** deer ran in front of the car and I hit the ***.  Did about $3000 damage to the car.  Those friggin beasts are a menace.  Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the car to the garage in town.  Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the friggin salt they keep dumping all over the road?" Car looks like a piece of crap.

June 1: Packed up and moved to Arizona.  I can't imagine why anyone in their friggin mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken state of Montana.

Patti

Chiliwist Valley

  • | Post Points: 50
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 19,778
Points 248,014
Barbara replied on Sun, Oct 14 2012 10:43 AM | Locked

Patti that was so funny . I have to agree if you live there you should just pack up for the winter with foods  and forget leaving .. LOL   Arizona is nice ,but to hot.

Liberty,Missouri

EAT!! SLEEP !! QUILT!!

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,767
Joyce Brenden replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 10:14 AM | Locked

Patti--

Thanks for the chuckle!

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,767
Joyce Brenden replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 10:16 AM | Locked

Marie--

Loved it!

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 25 Contributor
Female
Posts 4,414
Points 61,767
Joyce Brenden replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 10:18 AM | Locked

Barbara--

Great story!

 

Kissimmee, FL

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 1:01 PM | Locked

Marie

Love the fairy one....great.

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 1:06 PM | Locked

Marge

Your Carl story was wonderful.  Brought tears to my eyes.  Thanks for sharing.

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 1:08 PM | Locked

Barbara

Love it....and you are absolutely right...don't mess with old women..LOL

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 20
Top 50 Contributor
Female
Posts 2,062
Points 29,135
Ramona replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 6:11 PM | Locked

Been around before but still good. Sorry, I can't figure out how to get the letters smaller.

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep do-do now!"


Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,


"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"


Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.


"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"


Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.


The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.


The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"


Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...


"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"


Moral of this story...


Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!


  • | Post Points: 35
Top 50 Contributor
Female
Posts 2,062
Points 29,135
Ramona replied on Mon, Oct 15 2012 6:14 PM | Locked

Silverfox,

I'm still laughing. that was GREAT!

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Tue, Oct 16 2012 12:08 AM | Locked

Patti

I have a feeling that would be my response to living in Montana....LOL

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Top 10 Contributor
Female
Posts 27,720
Points 436,870
Nana replied on Tue, Oct 16 2012 12:10 AM | Locked

Marie

Hilarious....I love it.

Vinton, Virginia

  • | Post Points: 5
Page 18 of 59 (879 items) « First ... < Previous 16 17 18 19 20 Next > ... Last » | RSS
Have a Question? | About Us | Privacy Policy | Join Today © 2014 F+W All rights reserved.
By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use