Had a revelation the other day...

Linda — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:50:00 GMT

Had a revelation the other day...

When I was in Arizona, Jim and I were at the shopping center where my accident occurred. I had a post traumatic stress episode and just started sobbing and then got angry. I've been to the area several times since my accident and felt nervousness, but have never reacted like this before. Poor Jim had no clue as to what is going on, why is Linda sobbing like that, and then why is she yelling? Meanwhile, he's trying to get us out of there as quickly as possible. Did I mention that there was a Barrett Jackson event going on? Traffic was far heavier than normal and you didn't get anywhere quickly. By the time we got home, I had managed to calm down a bit, but I became extremely depressed...for 5 weeks...and terribly homesick.

At the same time, the adoption went thru for my rescue puppy, Indy. I emailed my doctor explaining what happened and telling him that I didn't understand my reaction. I also told him about Indy, because he had told me I should get a therapy dog about 2 years previously. His answer....about time, cute dog. What?? What kind of answer was that?

With other health issues cropping up and now a puppy to look forward to, I started talking myself out of the depression. Afterall, I had come this far in 4 years and I'm still on this side of the grass. So why quit now, right? Besides being depressed, was no way to live. I have grandchildren and a puppy to live for and 2 sons to aggrevate if I haven't done so enough already.

The other day I was in with my doctor and he asked me what am I angry at? My answer was the guy who hit me and the resulting injuries that are affecting my entire lifestyle and are creating ongoing problems. Then yesterday Pastor was visiting and he asked the same question...What or who am I angry at? I gave him the same answer. Then he asked but who am I really mad at? I told him I am not mad at God for letting this happen to me. Of course, Pastor said that was a good Christian answer.

Here's the revelation...I'm angry at myself. Before I went into that shopping center, either God or his messenger angel was telling me to go straight home. Do not go into the shopping center. I heard it loud and clear and I ignored it! I ignored a message of God! Because I ignored that message I am now paying the consequences. However, in spite of ignoring His message, He still loved me and had a host of angels around me to protect me from death. I lived because of God's amazing grace and forgiveness. The question now is...Can I forgive myself?

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions" to the Lord -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:5

Indy has been with me for almost a week now. He is such a sweetie, except he is not housebroken. He is a rescue puppy from a puppy mill, so it will take time to train him since he is 18 months old already. He also is not use to being around people and my house has been grand central station. But he is adjusting pretty good as long as every one just leaves him alone and lets him take his time getting acclimated.

I've managed to get Hanna's quilt pressed and sandwiched together. I started quilting late this afternoon. I got about 1/3 done before my eyes started getting tired. Last night I made my 2 March Craftsy BOM and even got them posted today. Tuesday I put together a vest that was already cut out by one of the members of my church back in AZ. It was one of those preprinted panels. It was fun doing all the embellishments. Now in the line up is...finish Hanna's quilt, 2 Round Robin blocks, Jan-Mar Country Junktion Block of the month, 2 quilts for RWYS, 1 valor quilt & 1 comfort quilt for one of the ladies at my church in AZ. Oh, and 2 quilts for myself! And that's not even touching the UFO pile!

It's getting late and Indy is pawing at me which an indication in her dog language to get to bed!! Good night!

Psalm 116

Linda — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:05:00 GMT

Good morning, Heavenly Father! Actually I've been up all night again coughing and here it is 5:00 am, no sleep for a second night, and I'm saying "good morning". Well, at least it's positive. God, I haven't been too positive for many months now. I'm overwhelmed with health issues again and it's been so long since I've had a "good" day. The Bible says "ask and ye shall receive". God I'm asking for good days so I can have a positive outlook again. I need that positive outlook. I need to have my strong faith again....I don't know where it went. Help me, Lord Jesus. I'm out in left field somewhere. Where am I?? What happened? Why am I always turning left instead of right?

Psalm 116

¹ I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
² Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

"I love you Lord. And I lift my voice to worship you O my soul Rejoice....." Amen.

I feel I must apologize to everyone because I've have had a very negative outlook in recent months about my health. Sometimes I become overwhelmed and I can't deal with the pain any more. What I need to do is turn to my God and my faith in my God and try to remain positive. Afterall, I'm still on this side of the grass, aren't I? I have survived 4 years. So why give up now? We Kollers are fighters and survivors. As Grandma Koller used to say "Linda, you are bullheaded!" Ok, so why be different now? I'm not after people's pity, prayers yes. So.....Onward Christian soldier!

Nothing and I do mean nothing has kept me from the sewing machine! I've made 2 pillowcases and 2 placemats for my little Indy. I'm looking forward to getting home. Indy will come home on March 3. I'll have a week to get everything ready for him. I just picked up some more fabric so I can make him a traveling mat to lay on. He will be a spoiled service dog. I also have fabric to make a quilt for the living room sofa for him to lay on.

I just finished another block that our alzheimer's qulter had started. I made it into a pillow that will go to her daugher who is in 4th stage breast cancer. Please keep the daughter in your prayers as she is not doing well I'm told. Our alzheimer's quilter was in church last Sunday and had a beautiful smile on her face. She was so precious. I'm taking the 2 quilt tops home to quilt. The only project left is the wall hanging. I hope to finish before I leave, but I have a pretty full schedule these last 3 weeks.

The Renaissance Festival is rapidly approaching. Jim has started working on a new reversible coat. Not as flashy as last year's coat, but classier. This week I made the pants...just have to make buttonholes yet. Today we are having some friends over for a sew-in...probably more visiting than sewing. I believe we are suppose to start on Sheila's costume. Actually we are just embellishing last year's costume. But what an embellishment!! A corset and overskirt in one. Oooolala! My costume gets no changes. I'm the fair maiden who has been captured by pirates. In a half hearted soft voice says "Help, help! I've been captured by pirates!" We have a lot of fun for the day. Wish I could find the photo of the gang to post. We're quite a motley looking group.

Several women at church have given me fabrics and asked me to please make quilts to be auctioned. The proceeds to be used to purchase items needed for the church. One lady gave me some red, white, blue fabrics and I told her they would make a nice valor quilt. She mentioned that she had a grandson in Afghanistan. So I'm now making a quilt for his family. I'm so priviledged that these women trust me to take on these tasks. I truly have my work cut out for me this year. Not to mention a few of my own quilts to finish up and my UFO pile.

Many thank yous for the birthday wishes yesterday. I belong to 2 birthday clubs and I am going home with a handsome stash of 30/40's, blues, greens, and purple fabrics. I believe I now have enough 30/40's with what I've managed to collect to make the Eleanor Burns sampler quilt from the "Egg Money" book. With the greens and purples I can now make both the pansy table topper and table runner for my bedroom.

I have enough to keep me busy. Plus, I'll be busy training Indy. I hope to meet some of you quilty friends in Ohio this year. Happy quilting!

PS. Don't forget the QCA/RWYS Luncheon on Feb. 17! Bring Show n Tell.

my.sewingroom's blog : UFO, valor quilt

Had a revelation the other day...

Psalm 116

Psalm 116