September 2012 - Posts

Changes Old and New
Wed, Sep 5 2012 5:49 PM

I haven't written a blog in several months. The words quit coming once I realized and accepted that the car accident did happen and I really am living a different life. I have now accepted that my life will never be like it was before. And the biggest thing I've had to accept is that most of my friends and family have not accepted the new me. Yes, the new me. I've had brain trauma and with that comes changes....changes I don't always like either, but I've had to learn to live with them. Memory loss has been a big problem like trying to remember a word during conversation and I come up blank. I was at a function with my friend Jan and someone came up and said "hi haven't seen you for so long. Where have you been?"  I turned to Jan and asked "Do I know this person?" A fellow from school days contacted me and I had to ask him if I knew him. He said  he used to walk me home from school and we'd sit out on the porch and talk. For the life of me I could not remember him. I was talking to my brother one evening and mentioned it and he remembered immediately. To this day I don't remember the guy altho we have talked a few times.

Lately I've been falling down quite a bit. Hey, some of those EMT's are pretty good lookers!  Marie are you reading? Poor Indy is bound and determined not to let those guys get his mommy! When they get me on the gurney, he's even tried jumping on too! I have a wonderful neighbor Audrey who comes over and attempts to calm Indy down. Today I had an appointment with my primary doctor  and they can find no reason for the falls. My opinion is all the meds....hello!!!!! They all cause drowsiness and/or dizziness. I've been on these meds for almost 5 years now, what the heck do they expect? Once I told one of my doctors that I was going to quit taking all my meds so I could have a clear head to think clearly again. And I asked what would happen if I did that? His answer was how long do you want to live? Every med I'm on is live sustaining. That caught my attention! None of it stops the pain but it keeps my body functioning. Without the meds my body could not function. We grew up learning that the central nervous system controled the body. Well I'm finding out what happens when it has been damaged. It is not fun (or pretty).

So today my doctor tells me I  need to find some happiness in the rest of my life. Easier said than done. I love my home here...born a Buckeye always a Buckeye. Here I can garden and what a garden I've had this year. I have my Indy who I love to pieces. (But I wish he would learn what house breaking meant. He's got a handle on  it except inopertune times.)  To stay in my house I must have a companion. Oh boy---I feel for that person. I've lived alone for a lot of years and I'm not easy to live with. But I guess I have to learn to adapt or loose it all. It's been difficult making new friends since I'm pretty much house bound.

I best get sewing. I have a lot of quilts in me yet. Can't do that in a nursing home. And I'm not ready for that  believe me. God has a plan and I plan to carry out that plan He has for me. I'm here to serve God regardless of my weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong. As long as the Lord lets me quilt, I'm happy.  Amen.

I've made some great friends here at QCA and have even been able to meet a few. HUGS to you. Friendship is one of the greatest treasures from God.

by Linda | with no comments