Sharon D's Blog

Moving is the pits!

Moving is the pits! We've been "moving" to TN for over a year now. The DH moved to TN a year ago, and I'm still here baby-sitting the house while it is on the market. Not a bit fun - neat and tidy is not part of my comfort zone. But the time has come - I NEED to be with my husband! We are both much better together, for sure. We travel back and forth to see each other, and when he walks in the door, I light up, calm down, breathe easier, and grin all the time. So I'm moving to TN - whether the house has sold or not.

The thing is, after living in Raleigh for over 30 years, my entire life is here. For 2 years, now, I've gone up and down emotionally over the thought of moving. Although I am now beyond ready to move - my heart is breaking. I've met many, many people at our local Senior Center, who have left their lives of 40-50 years in the same place, to come to Wake Forest NC to be with a daughter or son. They've given up home, friends, volunteer work, hobbies - to live in a tiny apartment - alone, or in a guest room in a relative's house, not knowing a soul their own age, or where anything is. Most of those folks came to the center, desperate for friends and to "get a life." And they did! So I know I can do it too.

Today, I've been communicating with the director of our Senior Center about candidates to take over my Thursday morning line dance class, and the Wed afternoon quilting group, and grief has enveloped me. I develop friends "in context" - work friends and church friends, primarily, and see them within that context. - usually not socially (except for a precious few). When I retired 3 years ago, my beloved little church had disbanded, and suddenly I didn't see my work friends everyday, either. I was pretty lost until I found the Senior Center. So, now my life is centered in my husband and home, and the senior center has been my primary life since Jim moved.

I really don't know how to express my sense of grief, except to say that I'm surprise at its depth, and at the level of importance my line dance friends and quilting friends have been to me. The crazy thing is - I'm filled with gratitude, joy, and grief all at the same time. And I want to embrace and even cherish all of it.

Comments

Dawn said:

Praying for you.  It is difficult to leave a place you have been at for so long and the people and such.  Just take it step by step, day by day.

# April 12, 2013 10:22 AM

Sharon said:

Thank you Dawn. I appreciate your words and your prayers!

# April 12, 2013 10:47 AM

Jenia said:

Moving is the pits, for sure!  But the opportunities that lie ahead are also something to look forward to.  The adventure of moving to a new location is something so very hard to explain.  It's exciting and adventurous, yet scary, lonely, and depressing.  Leaving behind a lifetime of friends is the hardest thing to do.  But, it is far easier to keep in touch with the old group of loved ones these days than it used to be.  

Good luck to you in TN - if I know anything about Tennessee (and I'm from Alabama so I do know a little) I know you will find a new circle of friends without very much effort.  Usually you will find a very laid back, easy going and friendly bunch in Tennessee.  One day at a time!

It sounds like you have a wonderful home life.  Since you and your husband get along so well, you will soon find yourself immersed in the new community as a TEAM.  

I honestly wish you well!  I went through a big move in 2004 from OH to NM not knowing any one in NM.  I do miss my family and friends in Ohio, but I don't regret the move at all.

# April 12, 2013 4:47 PM

Debbie said:

Sharon - YES, moving is the pits.  From 18 years as a military brat, then 20 years as an Air Force wife, I can tell you - giving up your friends and moving to unknown is not fun and it is very emotional. but you'll make new friends who are just as dear to you and you'll have friends to go back and visit with when you travel.  

# April 13, 2013 10:22 AM

Mary said:

Sharon,  I understand completely what you're saying.  I've lived in WI since 1960 when my parents moved there from IL.  Now my husband and I moved to TN in January of this year.  I miss my family, sons, daughter-in-laws, grandsons, grand daughter,friends and former neighbors.  We keep in touch with our family through emails mostly, phone calls once in a while and texting when we are near a larger town.  We are out in the boonies with no cell service (have to drive about 20 to 30 minutes) till we get a signal.  We have been very busy here with yard work and gardening now that the weather has warmed up a bit (which has helped keep my mind off of some things).  We've met a few neighbors in the area who have welcomed us here.  Living out in the country has been quite challenging to me since I am a city girl.  

It's been hard leaving your life behind like that but it has also been rewarding to start in a new place.  It was stressing me out with moving all the stuff we have accumilated over the 45 years we have been married and we still have one more big load to bring down here.  Once we have everything down here I am hoping that I can relax and not get so overwhelmed anymore.

I was depressed, happy, a little scared, and very much overwhelmed. You mentioned "gratitude, joy and grief" and that kind of hits the nail on the head.

Dawn wrote "just take it step by step, day by day" and that is how it has been with me.  I still have  my moments but keep thinking it is going to be ok.

My husband and I take a day once a week for a nice drive to find new things to look at in the surrounding areas.  Still trying to get used to the hills and curves when we are out driving.  It is such a beautiful state as was WI and we have so much more to explore.

We moved to middle TN near Carthage.  What part of TN did you move to?  Good luck and I will be thinking of you.  It will get better once you are settled in and moving forward.

Mary B.        

I    

# April 14, 2013 10:57 AM

Donna Pernell said:

As one of your quilting friends, please know the quilters are going to miss you terribly.  We're looking forward to getting together when you come back in town for house-selling matters.  I'll always be grateful to you for introducing me to quilting a year ago--at age 62!-- and helping me develop a passion for same. Your interaction with new people at your TN senior center will be a blessing for you and them.  Your a special lady.  Your ministries are special, too. --Love, Donna P.

# April 30, 2013 11:13 AM