Denim blues

Gramz Quilts — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 02:34:00 GMT

Yesterday out of the blue:

DS, age 13: I am out of shorts. I mean I have only one pair of shorts that fit. This pair. These are the only ones that fit me anymore. These are the ONLY ones I wear.

Me: So why are all those other shorts in the laundry?

DS: Because I tried them on and they don't fit.

I decided to save my reply for another day.

So today I bring home 12 pairs of shorts (you KNOW I got a deal) mostly in two different sizes but the 12th in a third size because I really have no idea what size he wears now.

Me: Well, I....

DS: Oh my gosh. Mom. Why do you do this to me? Don't buy me anything unless I tell you to. I did not tell you to buy me anything. Why do you do this? I am telling you, DON'T buy me anything anymore. Don't even show me those denim shorts. I do not wear denim shorts. Don't EVEN ask me to try them on because I won't.

Me: Well, you don't have to try on the denim shorts. But I do want you to try on the other shorts because I am not sure what size you wear.

DS: I wear EXACTLY one size bigger than these. Just get me some EXACTLY one size bigger than these. You know what size these are so get me some one size bigger.

Me: (Thinking I have no idea what size those particular shorts are nor the brand.) Look, here are a pair with skulls on them would you wear them?

DS: I told you I am not going to try on any shorts. Those are okay. I would wear them. But don't ask me to try on any denim shorts because there is NO WAY I am going to wear them.

Me: Well you need to try these on so we can figure out what size you wear.

DS: Okay. Just put them on my bed and I will try those on. But not the denim ones.

Me: Here are some camo shorts. (Wondering if camo is still cool.) Do you think you could wear some camo shorts?

DS: Yes. I said just put them on the bed and I will try them on.

Me: (confused) Okay, well I will need to see how they fit in the waist when you try them on. Here are a pair of khaki's and a plaid pair; do you like these?

DS: Yes, just put them on the bed and I will try on a pair.

Me: That's great. I need you to try on all the sizes so I know what will fit, so you will have to try on more than one pair. (I am excited that he said he would actually try them on but I can't show how pleased I am because that would totally backfire on me.)

DS: (Now pawing through the small pile of clothing I handed him.) Are you kidding, Mom? Seriously? These pajamas have DINOSAURS on them. How old do you think I am? I can't wear DINOSAURS!

Me: (To myself: But they were on sale.) Well, you can wear them anyway. I am tired of you hanging around the house in just your underwear. You need to have some clothes on at all times now. You can wear them when you are hanging out at home. Nobody will see them.

DS: What are THESE?

Me: Last year you said you needed special shorts to wear under your PE shorts. I thought these might work.

DS: The PE guy said those aren't right. THESE are the right kind.

Me: (Silently: Yay! I got something right!) Well, try this stuff on now, so I know what I can take back to the store so I can get my money back. (Although I wanted to smack him - in a kind and loving sort of way, honest! - I turned my back and walked away. I decided to do some laundry and hoped he would actually try everything as I had asked.)

DS: Okay, they fit. They are all the same size so I don't need to try on any more. These are perfect.

Me: Well, let me see the waist.

DS: (Holding up his shirttail barely above the waist which clearly demonstrates that this size is not going to fit for more than a couple of weeks of this growth spurt) See, they are fine.

Me: Okay. Try on the others, please. I need to know how they are going to fit so when it comes time to buy jeans I can get the right size.

DS: (Having tried on another pair of shorts.) Okay, I tried them all on. I'm DONE.

Me: Well, it turns out none of those are this other size. Would you try on this pair for me so I can compare the fit?

DS: Mom. Those are DENIM. I don't wear DENIM. I am not trying them on.

Me: Just try them on for size.

DS: I am not going to wear them. I don't wear denim shorts.

Me: I am not asking you to keep them. I am taking them back to the store. Just let me see if these fit better than the others. (They do. Mental note: THIS is the size to buy.) Thank you.

DS: I TOLD you not to buy me anything unless I ask. Just don't buy me ANYTHING unless I tell you.

Since pulling out my own hair would be less painful, next time, NEXT time I just might do that. Ha! As if. I wish I had the will power to NOT buy something when I know he needs it. But then, with such an enormous demonstration of gratitude, why do I bother?

Gramz's Blog : back to school, shopping

Denim blues